I'm not sure how I've managed to avoid sharing this rather startling piece of information but, a couple of months back, I had a letter inviting me to take part in the popular TV series, Come Dine With Me.There were the obvious objections to accepting the invitation: allowing myself to become a prey for Dave Lamb's devastating voice-over commentary (uproarious as long as you're not the target) and having strangers and a film crew rummaging through my knicker drawer. However, there was that enticing carrot of the £1000 prize money so that - momentarily at least - I did find myself wondering: "Which of my many and various kitchens should I use?"
By which I mean: should I use the one at Amici, Kennington (great starter of scrambled egg and melted feta on bruschetta)? Or Chimes of Pimlico (first rate Fidget Pie, which, if you've never had it, contains apples, gammon and herbs)? Or The Vineyard, Camberwell (excellent traditional keftedes - Greek meatballs - with feta salad and tzatziki)? Or, perhaps, The Loft, Clapham (unbelievably delicious Gloucester Old Spot pork belly with watercress mash, orange and mint carrots and home made spiced apple chutney)?
The best solution would be to persuade our friend Sophie to let me use her kitchen - or, better still, since she is an excellent cook, get her to prepare the meal and then nip out just before the guests turned up. This option was heartily endorsed by Sophie's mum, Wendy (an avid watcher of the show), but, unfortunately, didn't get around the problems of Mr Lamb's rapier (or, rather, 'hatchet') wit or the drawer-rummaging which would be far more potentially embarrassing with, as it were, someone else's drawers!
So, all things considered - especially the fact there are so many books and things on our own dining room table that we've not sat at it for years and I doubt that, these days, I could cook anything more sophisticated than boiled egg and soldiers - I decided to let the invitation go unanswered.
Still, it was nice -- I think -- to have been asked...
Perhaps you are saving yourself for Celebrity Masterchef - and that's what you really want to be invited to participate in.
ReplyDeleteOr you could put yourself forward for any one of a number of 'celebrity' participation programmes out there nowadays (with more, I suspect, yet to be devised by some genius or other).
But perhaps you've got better taste and sense...
I think you should have accepted and then allowed them to come and look at your kitchen as it is. That should settle their hash rather nicely, rapier-like wit or no ! Personally, of course, I have already been to the live performance in which your kitchen was featured - David once showed me how to make an omlette (I don't think he could believe I didn't know) in a library environment. I think this would have been TV gold !
ReplyDeleteSharonM - Most 'celebrities' on these shows are on the 'z' list; I have similar rating but in a different alphabet!
ReplyDeleteBoll - You're right: it would have been like no other episode ever seen! But maybe you have hit upon a new programme format -- Cooking the Books with David and Brian!
Answer it! You must go! If anyone could pull it off on the cuff- it would be you! Be brave, take the plunge! Cook!!!!!
ReplyDeleteSTOP IT, Bill!
ReplyDeleteYou could just go and then, as they get the utensils ready, just invite them to one of the many nice eateries you frequent instead.Then you could have some civilised chat whilst someone else does the cooking. That is, afterall, the way that God intended us to eat :-)
ReplyDeleteHe did, didn't He?
ReplyDeleteGood plan, Boll - providing, of course, they pick up the tab.
ReplyDeleteActually, Brian, you are being (as usual) far too modest. YOu omit to mention your role as Executive Chef (I've loved that pretentious title ever since I saw it in a National Theatre programme!)at a certain waterside eatery of our mutual acquaintance where your special range of Sibleyan Salads, designed by you, and prepared by other hands, has enhanced the quality eating experience of other patrons.
ReplyDeleteRoger O B...
HYDRE: where you go for therapy
Oh, come along, Roger, everyone knows that salads aren't REAL food! All you have to do is cut it up and chuck it in a bowl. And, anyway, where would I find ouzo-flavoured Kalymnian bread in South East London, may I ask?? ;)
ReplyDeleteBut, Brian, surely you will be able to get Kalymnian bread in London? How about Sophocles Bakery in Camberwell? Or an online order to http://www.shopgreek.co.uk/ ?
ReplyDeleteAnd salads mean fewer pots and pans for the cook's other half to wash up, so David could entertain your guests to distract them from the knicker drawer.
Maybe you're giving up on this plan too quickly: we will all enjoy reading the insider's account of your evening in a future Blog.
Sheila - Fancy you knowing Sophocles Bakery! Don't think they do ouzo bread, though...
ReplyDeleteAs for David entertaining: partners are not allowed to participate: they are always strangely absent - presumably enjoying a slap-up meal in a restaurant somewhere, only too pleased to escape for once whatever is normally served up to them at home!
I did make a nice salad today, though: cold grilled chicken, chopped apple, sultanas and cashew nuts in a sauce made with Hellmans 'Light' mixed with a desert spoon of caramalised onion chutney, a half teaspoon of curry powder and a little freshly ground pepper, served on a rocket and bean salad.
Maybe I should be pitching for my own TV show: Salads with Sibley...
I remember at school earlier in February, there are a Come Dine with Me Competition and any one in my year (Year 9, now in Year 10), could compete in the competition, ofcourse I didn't compete because I' not a great cook and I can't really cook.
ReplyDeleteI'm probably gonna need to start learning sooner or later
Maybe you need Mr Dahl's recipe book!
ReplyDelete