Sunday, 18 January 2009

PHONE A FRIEND


I'm founding a major new charity which will be known as Friends of the Phoneless or FOPS for short.

How often have you been sitting in a restaurant when the sound of a mobile phone has signalled what will be - for one of a pair of diners - the start of a lonely ten, twenty, thirty minutes while their dining companion takes a call whilst eating one-handed?

The communal pleasure of eating a meal with someone is instantly ruptured and for the phoneless party, there can be nothing more depressing than having to consume a meal in silence while listening to one side of a - usually vacuous - telephone call, at the same time being surrounded by a restaurant full of couples and groups most of whom (except for those with partners on the phone!) are engaged in conversation!

This is the moment when FOPS leap into action!

The FOP volunteer instantly rushes to the table of the abandoned diner and immediately begins engaging him or her in scintillating conversation until the thoughtless partner finally rings off. Then, a valuable job well done, the FOP can return to their own meal.

Why not volunteer, today, and begin your training as a FOP? Remember the phoneless need YOU!

8 comments:

Eudora said...

I support your foundation. I have two telephone mobiles, not one, two!!, but is a consecuence of my job... you must get holding of (is this correct?) I mean that your "boss" or your clients must know where you are when they want to talk to you, generally stupid conversations...How were we living before without mobiles?

Boll Weavil said...

I suspect that someone who wants to talk to the other person is likely to be far more interesting than the ignorant pig who carries on a conversation at an innapropriate time.It might be difficult to get the FOPPee to surrender their samaritan when the call ends !
Bigne:An item, phone or car, that is un-necessarily large to accomodate for the deficiencies in the user's personality.

LisaH said...

If it were actually during a meal when there was food on the table, I would think that the FOPP would be entitled to help him/herself to some of the phone user's food - if they fancied it.
I wonder if any of us will put it into practice!

Brian Sibley said...

Thanks for these votes of support!

Whilst FOPS are not encouraged to eat the food off the plate of the person on the phone, they may attempt to shame the caller by cutting up their meal into very small pieces and spooning it into their mouths whilst asking their partner about other irritating and embarrassing habits that can then be passed on to nearby tables...

Jen said...

Awful when the companion feels less important than the phonecall! We shouldn't be on 24 hour call unless someone's ill. Let's switch off more.



basismol:digestive medication for FOPPs after a stressful meal out

Suzanne said...

Too true! If your land line phone rings at home you don't rush home to answer it!
Although if you're on the date from hell it can be extremely useful...
amort: the salvatory phone call from your best friend during said date from hell, asking for your immediate help in getting her rollers out

Brian Sibley said...

JEN - Will ensure that all FOPS are given adequate supplies of 'basismol' when on duty.

SUZANNE - That's something I hadn't considered: that every restaurant mobile call could actually be an 'amort' call... Further FOP training will obviously be required in order to counsel the abandoned diner when the rollers-mercy-dash follows...

Boll Weavil said...

Buist : The new craze of starting threads on IMDB messageboards for unsung entertainers like animator Ivor Wood and even our own Mr B to give these guys the acknowledgements they deserve but seldom get.