Friday, 2 February 2007

THE WHOLE HOG

Hogwarts is in turmoil…

Hermione Granger is locked in her room and is, according to close friend Ron Weasley, inconsolably distressed. Professor McGonagall has had several attacks of the vapours and Professor Dumbledore has had an unexpected recurrence of his Old Trouble…

What’s the problem? The fact that Harry Potter has run away from Hogwarts and is living in London where, it seems, he has given up magic in favour of an acting career.

Master Potter is about to make a controversial debut in Peter Shaffer’s disturbing psychological play, Equus, in which he is required to take off more than just his spectacles.

Hogwarts handyman, Mr Hagrid, who has known Potter since the young man was a baby, told The Daily Blog:

“I am very disappointed in Harry. Not because of the nudity thing, he’s been waving his magic wand around ever since he first came to Hogwarts, but because - if the photos are reliable - he’s agreed to appear with some kind of Muggle horse that hasn’t either a pair of wings or a horn in the middle of its forehead! That’s not the kind of attitude we expect of a Hogwarts lad and it’s going to cost Gryffindor a lot of house points this term…”

7 comments:

Cafrine said...

I was trying to think up some witty comment, but I kept getting a little bit distracted...

Suzanne said...

Oh dear, oh dear... What does Voldemort have to say about all this?
Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon must be wondering which is worse...

Scrooge said...

He's a bit weedy to be doing Equus at his age ! I think you should be concentrating less on the brief sexual content of this fine work and more on its artistic merits. Yet another pretext on which to show a near naked man.The world is surely tired of this continual parade of smut that is force-fed to us on the internet.
Mind you, this film does show the lovely Jenny Agutter getting her kit off as I recall. Any chance of any stills of that scene for all your straight following ?

Brian Sibley said...

Uncle Vernon, Suzanne, has also taken up acting and is keeping an eye on his young nephew by taking on the role of psychiatrist, Martin Dysart!

Mr Scrooge says: "I think you should be concentrating less on the brief sexual content of this fine work and more on its artistic merits."

Yes, well, that might be possible if the producer and publicist for this production hadn't opportunistically decided that near-naked shots of Harry Potter were the best way to sell lots of £50 tickets!

As you will see on the Equus web-site, even the photo of the new Jenny Agutter getting her kit off in the hay shows her as having modestly retained her knickers and is shot from behind so as to feature Harry's chest rather than hers!

Despite Mr S’s implication, I don’t think this is a straight/gay thing and the Gielgud Theatre will need more than the pink pounders trotting along to Shaftesbury Avenue if they’re to fill the house for the run…

What is fascinating (and depressing) is that this production - with its widespread coverage (or UNcoverage) in the press - has demonstrated the Great British Public's rank stupidity in being unable to distinguish between an actor and the role he or she plays.

It has also shown (as if we needed showing) how easy the GBP are to goad into sufficient outrage to provide fabulous free publicity!

Every letter to a newspaper or call to a phone-in programme from 'Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells' announcing that their treasured tot will never be taken to see another Harry Potter film must be pure music to the theatre box-office manager's ears!

By the way, Jenny Agutter is also in this production, but plays a judge and, therefore in all probability, DOESN'T get her kit off this time around.

I wonder how far one would get with the Advertising Standards Board if one complained that the actual production DIDN'T feature any REAL HORSES?!!

Scrooge said...

I'm far more concerned about complaining to the Advertising Standards if Jenny Agutter DOESN'T get her kit off. Surely a first! Presumably the role demanded it.BTW I wasn't suggesting that the producers were responsible for using a near naked man to get more of the pink pound; more that you had again found a reason for including one on your blog :-)

Brian Sibley said...

Well, yes, of course... ;-)

And now, to make matters worse, DAVID is now doing it on his latest blog!

Chris said...

YOWZA! Ooops, I forgot for a moment that the lad is only, um 17 is it? All the fuss makes me wonder if he had to consult with the studio before doing this since they have a "franchise " to protect for at least a bit longer.....