Sunday, 3 June 2007

FATAL TIE

This is my fatal tie...

Whenever and wherever I wear it, I get something down it!

On it goes and out I go; within the hour, I've drizzled it with balsamic salad dressing. So, I have it cleaned. A week later, I go to a wedding and someone bumps into me at the reception liberally splashing the tie with champagne; I turn round to dab it and someone else joggles my elbow so that I now splash more champagne down it.

And so, off it goes to be cleaned again in order to enjoy the Ho Sin sauce or the minestrone that awaits it at a meal or two down the road...

I guess we all have such items in our wardrobes, don't we? The trousers that always seek out the cinema seat with gum on it, the skirt that acts as a permanent grease-magnet, the white jacket with an insatiable appetite for curry, tomato ketchup and cappuccino froth.

But why is this an immutable law of clothing? And, more to the point, why is always the most expensive garments that behave in this way? Is it because they are showing off and get too cocky and, therefore, careless? Or are they really trying to be like old rubbishy clothes in wanting to get down and dirty?

Of course they are wasting their time because old clothes are always, without fail, chocolate-proof and gravy-retardant!

13 comments:

David Weeks said...

"old clothes are always, without fail, chocolate-proof and gravy-retardant!"

It's because they have reached old age that proves that they able to survive the vicitudes of rampart food attacks. If they do not survive this, their longevity is cut short by a visit to the re-cycling bin.

David Weeks said...

Nice tie!
Shame about the mess on it!
:o)

Brian Sibley said...

"Nice tie!" says David - and he should know, because HE bought it for me --- to replace an earlier nice (but equally fatal) tie that was stolen when my bag was taken a few weeks back!!

LisaH said...

Have you ever thought of getting an equally nice but multi-coloured tie so that the stains will not be noticed?

Alternatively, how about contacting the restaurant/location you are going to and finding out what's on the menu? You can decide what you are going to eat and wear a matching-coloured tie.

Brian Sibley said...

LisaH - The perfect solution! Brilliant! I shall adopt your second suggestion forthwith! ;-)

Jen said...

Old clothes, no problem, stains hate them. They're just magnets for the only dry cleanable or irreplaceable. Never let yourself be persuaded in a restaurant that a red wine stain can be eradicated by
a hefty sploosh of soda water - though the resulting wet T-shirt look amuses the waiters. That's Alpine Italy & the gullibility of youth for you! Sure it would never happen where you dine?

Suzanne said...

Beat this! A friend I knew sat down, still busy talking to the person next to him, and as he lowered himself into his chair, his tie very carefully lowered itself straight into his glass of beer. You couldn't do that on purpose!

Boll Weavil said...

My most ill-fated shirt was one that was delivered to my house about midday with the 'morning' post.It was so nice, I decided to wear it immediately. Within two hours I caught it on a nail and ripped it at the back all the way upto the shoulders. It had to be binned immediately.Can anyone beat that ?

Brian Sibley said...

JEN - what realy DOES work on red wine is WHITE wine. Seriously, it will erradicate it instantly...

SUZANNE - That is a FAB story...

BOLL WEAVIL - That is a GHASTLY story...

I have to say these tales are very reassuring to someone as accident-prone as myself...

The worst thing that happened to me was ripping the seat out of a suit when I was on my way to an event where I was introducing the then Poet Laureate, Sir John Betjeman. I delivered my speech held together with safety pins!

David Weeks said...

"I delivered my speech held together with safety pins!"

It is, I think, usual to hold a speech together with a paper or bulldog clip. Perhaps though, the trousers were held together with a bulldog clip whilst the speech had safety pins?!!

Brian Sibley said...

Any speech (and anyone delivering it) in front of the Poet Laureate would be prone to being held together with safety-pins! Sadly, this wasn't stil in the era of Punk!

Bulldog clips would have made a more interesting statement - but might have been tricky when it came to sitting down!! ;-)

Phil said...

Take that tie to a tailor and have it made into a napkin - that's clearly what it wants to be.

Brian Sibley said...

PHIL - The perfect solution - don't know why I didn't think of it! Maybe there's a merchandising opportunity here - the tie/napkin combo!