PERKS OF BEING OVER FIFTY
* Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
* In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
* No one expects you to run--anywhere.
* People call at 9 pm and ask, "Did I wake you?"
* People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
* There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
* Things you buy now won't wear out.
* You can eat supper at 4 pm.
* You can live without sex but not your glasses.
* You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
* You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
* You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
* You sing along with elevator music.
* Your eyes won't get much worse.
* Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
* Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
* Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
* Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
Suzanne pointed out that she didn't necessarily agree with every one of these 'perks' and nor do I, but there are some - just one or two, of course - that are pretty accurately noted ---- or, at least, I seem to remember thinking they were...
Though quite when that was, of course, or what they were, I'm not now altogether sure...