BALLOONS II

A few more Balloon cameos from much-loved movies...




You can view the rest of the series and read the director talking about the project on Cartoon Brew.

GORILLA TACTICS

You can read some really strange things on the web these days!

Ian McKellen is best known for playing Gandalf in Peter Jackson’s The Lord of the Rings. This was his dream job, especially having been turned down previously by his favourite director, Shirley Major.

His association with Soggy Sock Productions began when he saw Shirley’s Temple in a dingy Soho theatre. Since that day he’d been a huge fan of all the works of Shirley Major and John Spate. After many loyal years he was able to audition for a role in the doomed Soggy Sock production of The Lord of the Rings. Sadly he did not get the part, but was quickly picked up by Peter Jackson for his alternate version being made in New Zealand.

To this day Ian still praises Shirley, his idol, despite the death threats from him.

And on the same web-site…

Brian Sibley is an author who’s recently been asked to give evidence in the infamous 'Major/Spate' case. Since his appearance in the courtroom he hasn’t been seen by any member of the public and is no longer taking calls. Rumour has it that he has simply disappeared, but most sensible commentators believe he is taking time out after going through such a traumatic and grizzly experience in court. Sibley rose to fame after adapting The Lord of the Rings for the BBC. It was during these early years that he first met John Spate and Shirley Major. This influential meeting was discussed at length in the documentary Guerrilla Distribution which has yet to be released as it is being held as evidence in court.

Sibley was until very recently one of the great fans of the work of Shirley Major and John Spate. He fondly praises Shirley’s Temple, a film that he saw premiered and discussed at great length with Ian McKellen. However his rosy relationship with the pair was brought to an end in court. In a fit of rage after being forced to sit through the documentary Guerrilla Distribution Shirley Major tried to fight his way out of court aided by John Spate with a wheelbarrow.

When this ploy failed he was dragged back kicking and screaming a declaration that he would kill everyone associated with that film. This means that Brian is on top of the list as he was a prime contributor.


There is also a reference to a certain magician who was recently named as a Member of The Inner Magic Circle...

Brian Sibley’s long association with dangerous figures such as John Spate and Shirley Major should have ended him up in hospital a long time ago. He has probably been saved by his protector in chief, David Weeks. Word on the street in London is that Weeks is capable of powerful feats of magic.

When Shirley Major’s film Shirley’s Temple was released Brian and David spent a great deal of time with Ian McKellen. They would study the film closely, discussing the implications of the slightest detail in the work. It was on this interaction with David that McKellen based his performance of Gandalf in The Lord of the Rings. In fact there was one moment when Ian wanted to order a pizza. He was absolutely famished but couldn’t quite afford it. David suggested that if Ian gave him what he could afford he would put it on his card and order one for him on the phone. Ian was suspicious and accused David of magically creating a pizza and pocketing the cash, to which David replied, “Ian McKellen! Do not take me for some conjurer of cheap snacks! I am not trying to rob you… I’m trying to help you!” Ian saw the error of his ways, burst into tears and they all had a hug.

This is just the merest glimpse into a delightfully bizarre publicity campaign promoting an often strange, sometimes slightly terrifying but also rather wonderful film by Battered Hat Productions called, as you’ve read above, Guerilla Distribution…

Visit Battered Hat for more details, trailers and an opportunity to buy the DVD of this ground-breaking, butt-busting work!


So, is that actually Ian McKellen piloting the bi-plane? And is that really me looking out of the window of the Empire State Building? Well, maybe… But, as the filmmakers are at pains to make clear…

"It is important to note that any characters that may resemble actual people do not bear any relation to their "real" counterparts. The two should not be confused and we should not be sued."

BOTTOMING OUT

Today is Derrière Day, courtesy of the Sunday & Daily Telegraph's picture galleries...


An entanglement of contortionists on display at New York's Madison Square Gardens.


Bull's-eye view of matadors at the Maestranza bullring in Seville, Spain.


Bathroom fittings with attitude in a public convenience in southwest China's Chongqing municipality.

And, as if that wasn't bizarre enough here's a grotesque advertisment from Germany advertising an on-line employment agency that seemingly offers an alternative approach to achieving promotion...

BALLOONS: THE MOVIE

Animators have always been slightly anarchic and iconaclastic folk which probably explains the work of an unknown independent director who, it is rumoured, occasionally works for Disney and who created a witty series of movie homages (originally intended as possible ideas for a theme park attraction) featuring classic secenes from cinema with cameo appearances by an interloping balloon!

Here's a couple of my favourite sequences...



And for those who prefer a movie (and a baloon) with a bit more action to it...

BROUGHT TO BOOK

COMPETITION!

Supposing you had to pitch to a publisher a well-known book that was not, as yet, well-known...

How would you sell it?

What would you say in JUST TWELVE WORDS or less to outline the content and make it so irresistible that the publisher couldn't pass up the chance to snap it up.

The Lord of the Rings or The Lord of the Flies, Gibbon's Decline and Fall or Waugh's Decline and Fall...

The choice is yours. Not more than FOUR submissions per blog-reader and the wittier the better!

TIP FOR TIPPLERS

Some time ago, I found myself sitting next to a woman at a dinner who was drinking a great deal of wine, the effects of which were clearly begining to show. Having knocked off one bottle, she ordered another and started quaffing that with undiminished enthusiasm.

I had ordered a glass of wine and had long since drained the dregs; noticing my empty glass my dining companion offered to top me up from her bottle.

"Well, thank you," I said politely.

"Itshavery good wine..." she said with that slow precision of speech that is demanded of those who are pissed!

I took a sip and agreed.

"An whatch shmore," she said, "itch stotally non-halco-holic!"

"Really?" I said, somewhat surprised.

"Oh, yesh!" she said, "but musht look for the bottlesh with the schpecial shymbol..."

She seized the bottle by the neck and indicated the relevant symbol on the back label...


"Yesh," she said, "Thatsh how you know, an' if thish shymbol shnot there then you musht be very caushous about how musch you drink!"

CHEWING THE FAT

Someone has just sent me an e-mail offering knock-down prices on a product pleasantly-named Fat Blaster - which, said quickly, sounds oddly like “Fat B*s*a*d”!

Or maybe that’s just the over-reaction of a guilt-ridden fatty...

Anyway, the seller has curiously embellished his or her mailing with the following collections of saws and sayings ranging from Anon to Ben Franklin:

“Admiration is the daughter of ignorance.”

“The best of men are but men at best.”

“Children Have Wide Ears and Long Tongues.”

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder”

Which is predictably juxtaposed with---

“Love is blind.”

There is also a quote from the Book of Proverbs, Chapter 6, which lists God’s seven most abominated abominations, including:

“A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren…”

Er… what, like spam-peddlers, perhaps?

If so, then I'll leave the Almighty to deal with 'Fat Blasters' and have another slice of cake!

[Image: From the official website of that singular and incomparable artist, Beryl Cook!]

MAN OF MAGIC

CONGRATULATIONS to DAVID WEEKS on being promoted to Member of The Inner Magic Circle with Gold Star. Given personally by the President, this is the highest degree within The Magic Circle and a status David now shares with, among others, Lance Burton, Siegfried and Roy, David Copperfield, The Pendragons, Paul Daniels, Wayne Dobson and Geoffrey Durham.

David first got bitten by the magic bug when he was given a copy of The Boy’s Book of Magic for his 6th birthday. In his teens he became a member of his local magic club, The Bexleyheath Society of Magicians, who lowered their entry age so that he could join.

In 1991, he was admitted to membership of The Magic Circle and later promoted to Associate of The Inner Magic Circle. After twenty-six years of teaching drama, he gave up education in 2000 and became a full time professional magician whose skill and flair has been acknowledged by the awarding of this honour.

Well done!

And, in case you missed it, here’s David performing a little magic for the magical Kylie Minogue…

MISSING LINKS

For those still puzzling over Lewis Carroll's Doublets, here are the solutions. As both GILL and GOOD DOG correctly answered, this is how you turn FIRE into HEAT:

FIRE
Hire
Here
Herd
Head
HEAT

GILL also found a solution to putting MILK into PAIL:

MILK
Mill
Mall
Pall
PAIL

Lewis Carroll suggested MILL - PILL - PALL, but MILL - MALL - PALL is just as good.

What no one got was WHEAT into BREAD and then BREAD into TOAST...

So, here's the answers...

WHEAT
Cheat
Cheap
Cheep
Creep
Creed
Breed
BREAD
Break
Bleak
Bleat
Blest
Blast
Boast
TOAST

Don't feel any obligation, but can, if you like try increasing ONE to TWO, advancing FOUR to FIVE; turning TEARS into SMILE and making BLACK WHITE...

PS: I'm sorry that yesterday's blog did NOT allow comments (it's one of the more annoying aberations of New Blogger that it occasionaily - and arbirtairly - decides not to allow comments! Comment-leaving on that particular post has now been facilitated --- albeit a bit late!

[Image: Lewis Carroll by David Levine]

DRAMATIC QUESTION

Paul Scofield is sitting on a train, reading a script and minding his own business when a man gets into the carriage, notices him and decides to engage the actor in conversation.

"It is Paul Scofield, isn't?" asks the man excitedly.

"Yes..." replies Scofield.

"I thought it was," the man goes on. "You see, I do a bit of acting myself!"

"Really?" says the actor with a certain sinking feeling.

"Oh, yes!" says the man, warming to his theme, "I've been in a great many productions with the Upper-Twittering Amateur Dramatic Society..."

"Fascinating..." murmurs Scofield.

For the next thirty minutes, the man reels off details of his theatrical triumphs: the Agatha Christie murder mysteries, the Ben Travers farces, the open-air summer productions of Shakespeare and the Christmas pantos. He relates funny stories about actors forgetting their lines, missing their cues, tripping over the set, dropping props and ripping costumes in embarrassing places... Throughout Scofield listens in stoic silence.

Eventually the train arrives at the man's station and he gets up and shakes the actor by the hand. "It's been lovely to chat," he says as he opens the carriage door and steps out onto the platform. Then, as he goes to close the door, he smiles at Scofield and says with a chuckle, "I don't know, Paul, why do we do it?!"

[Image: Nicholas Sinclair]