visionary, poet and explorer of the imagination has - at the age of 90 - embarked on that odyssey which has been called
the ultimate trip
"Then he waited, marshalling his thoughts and brooding over his still untested powers. For though he was master of the world, he was not quite sure what to do next. But he would think of something."
Being filmed for a DVD 'extra' the other day - and having been horrified by my resemblance to Quasimodo on my last such appearance - I asked the crew if they could film my 'best side'. Unfortunately, finding the 'best' side was easier said than done!
This embarrassing episode reminded me of a story I read in a recent obituary to David ('Wendy') Watkin, the legendary cinematographer of such films as Help!, Charge of the Light Brigade, The Devils, The Three Musketeers, Robin and Marian and Out of Africa.
Watkin was engaged to film Yentl starring (and directed by) Barbra Streisand. On meeting the star, Watkin daringly tapped Streisand on the Nose and commented: "I can see we're going to have a lot of trouble with THAT!"
Somehow, and rather surprisingly, he got away with it-- and more...
Later in the production - in the middle of a shot - Streisand suddenly yelled: "David, you're shooting me from my bad side!"
To which, Watkin calmly responded: "It's not your bad side, Barbra, it's your other side."
Little known historical facts learned from 10,000 BC - in descending order of earth-shattering importance...
1) A race of people with plaited pony-tails and gold finger-nail extensions built prototypes for the Egyptian pyramids using woolly mammoths to haul the building blocks.
2) Good prehistoric folk spoke impeccable English; baddies (wearing turbans and riding horses) spoke in subtitles.
3) Cave-people had first-rate dental hygiene and used beard-trimmers with variable settings.
4) 10,000 BC is mammoth bollocks.
If you doubt this newly acquired knowledge, the film opens nationwide today, so you can check for yourself.
If you want to save the cost of a ticket, just take it on trust...
I am abandoning the usual, frivolous, light-hearted tone of this blog today in order to draw your attention to a story in yesterday's issue of The Times.
It begins...
A gay Iranian teenager faces deportation from Britain and execution in his home country after a Dutch court refused to hear his asylum claim.Mehdi Kazemi, 19, will be forced to return to Britain, where his asylum application was rejected last year.
He is then expected to be “removed” to Iran where his boyfriend was hanged two years ago for sodomy.The ruling will put the Home Office under renewed pressure to reassess his case — or face the possibility of sending a young man to his death.The department’s own guidance concedes that Iran executes homosexuals but rejects the claim that there is a systematic repression of gay men and lesbians.
The emphasis is mine and is probably unnecessary since the patent absurdity of this statement is unlikely to have passed you by.
And anyone doubting the likelihood of this young gay man ending his life on an Iranian gallows should contemplate the widely-reported accusation that 4,000 homosexual men and women have been executed in Iran in the last thirty years.
Brace yourself, gentle reader, for I am about to open your eyes to yet more GOOGLY-EYED HORRORS!
The other day, I posted - courtesy of my friend, JEN - one of a number of portraits by the artist, Iain Hetherington who, in addition to the usual painterly stuff, uses googly-eyes to catch the gallery-goer's eye...
Well, of course, Art is ART and part of its purpose is to Shock, but what are we to make of a flickr site which Jen also spotted?
American actress, writer and comedienne, Amy Sedaris(right), author of the best-selling i like you: hospitality under the influence, invited listeners to the Leonard Lopate Show on New York Public Radio to respond to a "craft challenge".
Amy's challenge was for people to Make Food Come Alive With Googly Eyes and then photograph the results and upload them to flickr.
The results are, believe me, truly terrifying! So much so, in fact, I can only bring myself to show you a handful of the resulting photos...
I could tell from the comments left on my last post that there were those among you who doubted that an unnatural obsession with GOOGLY-EYES is making insidious inroads into the fabric of modern society.
Fortunately, my good friend JEN has come to my defence by giving me a couple more examples of the way in which this ghastly disease is taking hold... For example, Scottish artist Iain Hetherington has added them to several of his works such as this one, Welcome Alien...
Deny it if you like, but I say those eyes definitely follow you round the room...
If you have the nerve, you can look up some of the artist's other googly-eyed portraits on iainhetherington.com.
I have further appalling evidence to place before you, but I am, frankly, too shaken to write any more at the present and it will have to wait until another day when I am a little calmer...
Meanwhile, I hope you will now believe me when I say that the secret vice of sticking sticky-eyes on stuff is rife!
You are launching a new line in sensuous sweetmeats for people who are "obsessed with pleasure"...
You spend a lot of time and money to make sure you get your branding absolutely right and, in the process, come up with a lexicon of 'buy-words': Captivating... Kinky... Cheeky... Shamelessly... Disgracefully... Outrageously...
Then all you need is a brand name to beguile and entice the customer...
So you call your product...
...FILTHY??
Still, at half-price, they're clearly not just for the Filthy Rich but are, relatively speaking, dirt cheap!
However, the repair-men will be moving in on April 7th, so if you're going to have a look at the very real damage that can be caused by modern art, you'd best get along there soon!
BUT please be very careful because ART can also be DANGEROUS!!
It's said that when it was suggested to Lillian Bayliss, the founder of The Old Vic, that she ought to be made a Dame of the British Empire she swiftly responded, in her characteristically forthright way, "It'll be none of your Dames for me!"
In Bayliss' time - and for some while afterwards - 'damehoods' (or 'ships'?) were primarily for 'classical' (meaning, chiefly, Shakespearean) actresses such as Sybil Thorndike, Flora Robson and Edith Evans. Today, happily, they are given to a broad range of entertainers and we can rejoice in having not just Dames Maggie and Judi but also Dames Julie and Shirley...
So, how come no one has got around to giving a Damehood to the actress and singer who began her career by being known as "Britain's Shirley Temple"?
I refer, of course, to...
In sixty-six years of performing, Petula Clark has done it all: radio, TV, film, stage and, of course dozens of recordings including many, many hit singles, four of which reached the No 1 top-spot.
Last July, the following story broke...
London, July 8 : Sir Michael Caine, Sir Tim Rice, Susan Hampshire and impresario Bill Kenwright are among celebrity fans of Petula Clark who have lent their support to an online petition on the Downing Street website for making the veteran singer-actress a "Dame".
The celebrities feel that the Petula should be honoured in recognition of her glittering career that has spanned more than 60 years. Petula is the most successful British female solo recording artist to date, and she is still touring and recording at 74. She holds the distinction of having the longest span on the international pop charts of any artist - 51 years - from 1954, when 'The Little Shoemaker' made the UK Top 20, through to 2005.
She started her career during the Second World War as a child singer entertaining the troops, moving into films including The Card, in the late 1940s and 1950s, and hit the height of her career in the 1960s when she became a pop success with songs such as 'Downtown'. Her career has continued in musicals like Sunset Boulevard and Blood Brothers.
"It is a travesty that Petula has not yet been honoured after such a long and distinguished career. The fact that these big names are lending their support shows how much she is regarded among the theatrical community," the Daily Express quoted an insider as saying.
Leo Sayer, lyricist Don Black, songwriter Tony Hatch, and former EastEnders star Wendy Richard are the other celebrities who are among the 500 names on the petition. "Hopefully the petition will help bring Pet the damehood she so richly deserves," said the insider.
So, no pressure there, then, Gordon...
Anyway, as of today, the PET-ition has 1,102 signatures but could do with a few more before the deadline of 12 March, so if you have fond memories of our Pet in films like Finnian's Rainbow and Goodbye, Mr Chips or if you ever sang along to any of her discs (from the childhood 'They're Changing Guard at Buckingham Palace' to 'The Other Man's Grass', 'I Know a Place', 'Don't Sleep on the Subway' or any one of those other UK/US hits - or even that considerable discography of songs sung in French or German) now is the time to ACT!
So, with only 10 days to go, you should stop reading this and go to the 10 Downing Street Petition site and SIGN!
Then, when you've done that you can come back and watch Pet (on Esther Rantzen's TV show) singing just a handful of those numbers that have made her a much-loved star and, surely, a Dame-in-Waiting...
Click to enlarge
Watkin was engaged to film Yentl starring (and directed by) Barbra Streisand. On meeting the star, Watkin daringly tapped Streisand on the Nose and commented: "I can see we're going to have a lot of trouble with THAT!"
And anyone doubting the likelihood of this young gay man ending his life on an Iranian gallows should contemplate the widely-reported accusation that 4,000 homosexual men and women have been executed in Iran in the last thirty years.
American actress, writer and comedienne, Amy Sedaris (right), author of the best-selling i like you: hospitality under the influence, invited listeners to the Leonard Lopate Show on New York Public Radio to respond to a "craft challenge".
To view the entire hell's kitchen of 310 shocking images on 11 ghastly pages, visit the flickr Amy Sedaris Craft Challenge Pool
Click image to enlarge and reveal the full fearsome details!
...a rabbit!
