Tuesday, 10 July 2007

HELPFUL SOLUTIONS

I used to write using a typewriter - the mechanics of which I understood. Now I write using a keyboard and a box of electronics about which I understand nothing - other than the fact that it can mysteriously change font, type size and colour at the tap of a key…

I think not understanding How Things Work is one of the underlying problems of Life Today which is probably one reason why The Cartoon Museum in London was packed out last week for the opening of the Heath Robinson’s Helpful Solutions, an exhibition of humorous drawings by that brilliant illustrator and inventor of imaginary machines whose name is listed the Oxford English Dictionary as a means of describing “any absurdly ingenious and impracticable device” - and, as often as not, home-made...

Click on image to enlarge
Image reproduced by kind permissions of Pollinger Limited and the Estate of
Mrs J. C. Robinson. Copyright © the Estate of Mrs J. C. Robinson.


It is claimed that one of the automatic analysis machines built for Bletchley Park during WWII to assist in the decryption of German message traffic (and a direct predecessor to the Colossus, the world's first programmable digital electronic computer) was named ‘Heath Robinson’ in WHR’s honour.

William Heath Robinson (1872-1944) was a stunningly talented decorative artist who provided exquisite embellishments to such works as Tales from Shakespeare, The Arabian Nights, Hans Andersen’s Fairy Tales, Charles Kingsley’s The Water Babies and verses by Kipling, Poe and Walter de la Mare. He also wrote and illustrated two magical books of his own, Uncle Lubin and Bill the Minder and provided the pictures for Norman Hunter’s first book about the nutty Professor Branestorm.

But it was Heath Robinson’s reputation as ‘The King of Gadgets’ that endeared him to the nation and guaranteed his enduring fame.

Heath Robinson’s brilliance was in creating curious contraptions (of questionable necessity) such as a machine for inserting freshly roasted chestnut stuffing into the Christmas Turkey...

Image reproduced by kind permissions of Pollinger Limited and the Estate of
Mrs J. C. Robinson.
Copyright © the Estate of Mrs J. C. Robinson.

Other essential pieces of apparatus included a device for resuscitating stale railway scones for redistribution at the station buffets and 'The multimovement tabby silencer', which automatically threw water at serenading cats!

But Heath Robinson’s contraptions weren’t just wild flights of fancy, they were clearly designed to WORK - indeed the Cartoon Museum currently has a couple of functioning Heath Robinson machines on show!

Matching this authenticity of purpose (however misguided!) is a wonderful sense that these elaborately thought-out pieces of machinery have actually been lashed-up and bodged-together in a shed at the bottom of the garden using bits and pieces, odds and ends and this and that - the finished project invariably being powered by pulley-systems constructed from lengths of knotted string of the kind my grandfather used to keep in an old Oxo tin, “In case they came in useful”.

But perhaps the key quality of Heath Robinson’s work is its gentle, guiless, well-intentioned charm. Even during the carnage that was the Great War, when his cartoons were a regular feature in such long-gone periodicals as The Sketch, The Bystander and The Strand Magazine, his view of ‘the enemy’ was devoid of any hint of satirical bite. Even the cartoons made during the Second World War, whilst clearly aware of a different sensibility, still depict the Germans as bumbling amateurs destined, eventually, to be defeated by the equally amateur British who however have the innate advantage of dogged eccentricity!

Click on image to enlarge
Image reproduced by kind permissions of Pollinger Limited and the Estate of
Mrs J. C. Robinson.
Copyright © the Estate of Mrs J. C. Robinson.

The only question raised by the ingenious defence of the realm precaution shown above is how did all those stalwart British volunteers get to their posts? Or were they installed at low-tide by the means of ladders and then required to wait patiently until high tide?!

The exhibition (which runs until 7 October) and the superb accompanying catalogue chart William Heath Robinson’s career and present wall after wall loaded with wonderful pictures that simply cannot be viewed without a smile, a chuckle or a full-throttled guffaw.

So, if you find yourself within striking distance of The Cartoon Museum, take your funny bone inside and allow Mr WHR to give it a bit of a tickling!

***

The Cartoon Museum, 35 Little Russell Street, London WC1A 2HH.
Telephone: 0207 580 8155; Email: info@cartoonmuseum.org
Opening Times: Tuesday- Saturday 10.30-5.30; Sunday 12.00 - 5.30
Admission: £4.00 for adults; £3.00 for concessions; Free to Students, under 18s and Friends of the Cartoon Museum

Special Events (
Adults £5; Conc./Students £4; Friends £3):
* 31 July 2007 6.30- 7.30 pm ‘The Good-Tempered Pencil’ of William Heath Robinson -
Anita O’Brien co-curator of the exhibition talks about Heath Robinson’s humour, how the artist achieved his effects and asks to what degree he reflects his own time.
* 19 September 2007 6.30-7.30 pm
Gunning with Guile - Heath Robinson at War -
Anita O’Brien looks at Heath Robinson’s cartoons from the First and Second World War and discusses his different responses to two very different threats to the British way of life.
* 3 October 2007 6.30 - 7.30 pm
Innovative space making and architecture inspired by Heath Robinson's inventive world - C J Lim, Professor of architecture and Cultural Design at Bartlett School of Architecture, UCL and Heath Robinson enthusiast will talk about his love of the artist's work and how it inspires his work.

Monday, 9 July 2007

INSIDES OUT

For most of us the teddy bear was -- perhaps still is -- a loving friend, devoted companion, loyal confident. Not, however, it seems for everyone...

A few months ago, I spotted a Teddy Bear chair in Harrods that people were literally queueing up to sit in...


I thought that was pretty inhuman - or inursine - but now, thanks to my friend, Polkadots, I am in a state of advanced trauma from having visited the Foley Gallery to look at the latest 'works' by artist Kent Rogowski: an exhibition of over 50 images (on show until August 10th) and a book devoted to bears --- but not as we know them, Jim!

WARNING!
SHOCKING IMAGES ALERT!


Mr Rogowski has become the Damien Hirst of the toy cupboard by taking teddy bears (or - as he calls them "ordinary stuffed animals"), turning them inside out and then -- I can scarcely type the words -- re-stuffing them!


The artist 'explains':

The images form a taxonomy of strange but oddly familar creatures.

Each bear's appearance is determined by the functional requirements of the manufacturing process. Simple patterns and devices that were never meant to be seen are now what form the bears' physical traits and give each of them a unique personality: their fasteners become eyes and their seams become scars...


The images inspire a range of interpretations and conflicting emotions. They are at once hideous yet cute, disturbing yet endearing while they offer metaphors for our own experience. These bears, which have lived and loved and lost as much as their owners, have suffered and endured through it all. It is by virtue of revealing their inner core might we better understand our own. *


Hmmmmm...


Yes, well, all I can say is that in this house, those re-stuffed metaphors met with a pretty hostile reaction...


(See also Buttons' Comment on button's blog)

* A further explanation for such blatant bear brutality is given in the Foley Gallery press release for the exhibition:

Foley Gallery is pleased to announce Bears, an exhibition of photographs by New York-based artist Kent Rogowski.
In this body of work Rogowski presents a delicate and sensational series of teddy bear portraits. The bears appear different than ordinary stuffed animals. They have been turned inside out, re-stuffed and sewn back together, transforming them, creating entirely new creatures. The result of this enabled metamorphosis is a new kind of bear, sometimes grotesque or pathetic but often rather endearing. These new emblems no longer sustain the perfect image of childhood, but break apart this image into a complex picture of youth and development.
Photographed on a stark white background, the bears are removed from any relevant or meaningful context. They are placed in an environment where they appear as specimens to be studied, separate from any memories a viewer may associate from their own teddy bear experience. The neutral setting emphasizes comparisons between the bears. The revelations of the bears' innards are strong analogies of how people may differ from the inside out.
Rogowski's interpretation of this childhood staple raises questions about childhood security. A stuffed animal's pleasant and cuddly outward appearance may mask or misrepresent what is happening inside. More literally, a happy outside may be hiding the inner drama of a child. This symbol of childhood comfort has, by way of Rogowski's process, been altered and skewed.
Kent Rogowski received his MFA in Photography from the Rhode Island School of Design in 2000. He has received many awards, including the Center Award from the Center of Photographic Art, and was selected as a finalist for the Calumet/Friends of Photography Emerging Artist Award and the Nerve.com.

Sunday, 8 July 2007

WATCH OF THE WEEK: Pottering on!

I sometimes feel terribly alone: being the one person in the entire world who hasn't read the Harry Potter books --- well nothing after the first volume-and-a-half which, when you consider how HUGE the later books have become, probably means scarcely 1% of everything J K Rowling has written...

So, I am both the worst and the best person to tell you about the latest (fifth - but you knew that!) film in the series, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, opening nationwide on Thursday. The worst, because I have absolutely no idea how many magical moments of that great doorstop of a volume has been pared away in order to keep the running time of the film below 180 mins; the best, because, if it works for me then it works, first and foremost, as a film rather than as an adaptation of a book... Which it does - and rather splendidly, too!

That said, I did find that I needed to keep my wits about me - because it's all too easy to miss some of the star-turns' cameoettes! For example, Emma Thompson (Sybil Trelawney) had no more than a couple of speaking scenes while Warwick Davis (Filius Flitwick) had only a couple of non-speaking dittos. But, then even the divine Dame Maggie (Professor Minerva McGonagall) only gets a couple of moments in the spotlight.

I think I noticed David Thewlis (Remus Lupus), but I'm not sure if he actually spoke; Fiona Shaw (Petunia Dursley) did say something, but it was only one line - or maybe just a half... And yes, that does means the dire Dursleys are back on screen which, as far as I'm concerned, is not a plus point; never mind, the Weasley tribe have also returned in force with Arthur and Molly, as always, looking out for Harry and the Twins, Fred and George, providing some excellent fun just as things are teetering on getting a bit serious.

I won't bother to give you a synopsis of the plot, if you know the book, you don't need me to tell you about it and, if not... well, never mind, you'll understand (more or less) all you need to know when you see it!

Suffice it to say, that despite the obvious complexities of the story, the whole thing zips merrily (and later scarily) along and contains several truly enchanting scenes as when, during Harry's secret training sessions, the young opponents of He Who Must Not Be Named (aka Ralph Fiennes) conjure fanciful birds and creatures out of magic dust; and a tour de force finale that is desperately dramatic and --- since you know the books, you'll know why --- terribly traumatic.


The special effects are some of the best in the series, so far - especially those involving Fred and George and a fantastical fireworks dragon. Hagrid's cgi brother is less impressive and there are one or two dodgy shots of the junior wizards and witches flying their brooms over modern day London, where suspension of disbelief has to be temporarily - er - suspended!

As a side-note, I have to say that seeing HP & Co skimming past Canary Wharf Tower and the Gherkin reminded me of a question that always bugs me about the world of Hogwarts: how come no one has a mobile phone and they obviously don't have access to computers? As long as I think of Hogwarts as existing some time in the past - rather like Greyfriars School attended by Master B Bunter - it really doesn't bother me; but seeing its pupils whizzing across a 2007 London skyline got me puzzling again...

Anyway, I guess you really shouldn't think too much about the logic in a Potter film: I mean how come a young wizard as deft with the wand as Harry needs half a dozen representatives from the Order of the Phoenix to rescue him from the back bedroom of number 4 Privet Close, when the door is secured with nothing more than a flimsy-looking B&Q lock?

But enough...

Daniel Radcliffe seems to me to be getting better as maturity gives him a leaner-meaner look and he copes valiantly with The Kiss which appears pretty experienced for a first-timer and, unlike his love scenes on stage in Equus is achieved whilst wearing school uniform!


Apart from Harry's kisee, Cho Chang (Katie Leung) there's a new contender for Harry's emotional interest: Luna Lovegood (Evanna Lynch) who has a melting Irish brogue and spooky charm. Emma Watson's Hermione remarkably avoids being upstaged by these Other Women and only Rupert Grint's Ron seems to have become rather marginalised - probably because everyone's finally realised what most us knew from day one: that, nice kid though he doubtless is, he really can't act!

The star of the show - apart from Gary Oldman who gives a spirited and poignant farewell performance as Sirius Black - is undoubtedly the fabulous Imelda Staunton as Dolores Umbrage, a poisonous pink marshmallow who becomes Hogwarts' new Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor and later replaces the discredited Dumbledore.

Staunton's portrayal of Professor Umbrage (like Kenneth Branagh's Gilderoy Lockhart in H P & the Chamber of Secrets) is an instance of the films providing the defining portrayal of the Rowling characters and Dolores' twittering personality and silly, frivolous appearance (dressed like a cross between Barbara Cartland and Miss Marple) are in sharp contrast to her cruelly malicious nature. It is, without question, a deliciously bravura performance!

The film as a whole skilfully treads the fine line between the frightening --- Deatheaters come screaming out of the screen at you within minutes of the film's opening --- and the funny, such as ripe running gag of Filch precariously balanced on a series of increasingly tall and tottery step-ladders nailing up the latest injunctions from the Ministry of Magic.

I'll conclude with a curious piece of Potter minutiae that I happened on as a result of puzzling over something - or someone - in the film that I didn't quite get: viz, the House Elf, going by the name of Kreacher, who is seen creeping and muttering around the home of Sirius Black.

Now, I've always prided myself on my ability to spot a voice (it comes, I suppose, from so many years of working in radio and being a fan of animated films) and as soon as Kreacher started mumbling about, I instantly knew that he was being spoken for by veteran actor, Timothy Bateson, who is the last surviving cast member of the first British production of Waiting for Godot (he was Lucky) and who appeared in my debut radio play, 32 years ago!

What I couldn't understand was why, in a film already stuffed with characters, this one - who, seemingly, does nothing of any importance - was remotely necessary to the plot. So, when I got home, I duly Googled Kreacher and found this fascinating titbit of trivia...
David Yates told MTV Movies: "We took Kreacher out, and Jo [JKR] said, 'Listen guys, you don't have to put Kreacher back, but I'm just telling you, if you want to kind of keep a thread going for six and seven, you might want Kreacher to come back.' She basically told us Kreacher plays a role in seven, in a sense. She hinted. We thought about it for five seconds, and he came back."
So, something to ponder there in the last two weeks until all is finally revealed with the publication of.................


Incidentally, is it just me (as a confessed non-Potter reader) or is the "artwork" on that left-hand cover-option for volume seven (above), TOTALLY and UTTERLY HIDEOUS?

Saturday, 7 July 2007

WAXING PATHETICAL

THE ROYAL SCANDAL YOU NEVER READ ABOUT...

A few years ago, my good friend, Donald, achieved a moment of unexpected - nay, unprecedented - intimacy with Her Majesty the Queen, while the late Queen Mother looked on with evident amusement, possibly even delight...


Yes, well, as you probably guessed this photo was actually taken during a royal audience at that London emporium run by Madame Tussaud.

Now, I'm aware that Vincent Price knew all about the horror of the wax museum, but I doubt even he would have credited some of the horrors I recently ran across on a site devoted to the inhabitants of Josephine Tussaud's Royal London Wax Museum in Victoria, British Columbia.

This remarkable attraction - not to be miussed next time you're in Victoria, BC - offers several fascinating revelations: such as the fact that attendees at The Last Supper had place names...


...that Churchill told FDR exactly what he thought of him...


...that the cast of Bonanaza were actually aliens...


...and that Walt Disney wore a 'Walt Disney' tie - presumably in case you didn't recognise him by the stuffed mice on his shoulders!

Friday, 6 July 2007

BOILED EGG & SOLDIERS

After recently sharing that Handy Hint about scrubbing your mits clean whilst singing “Happy Birthday to You”, I thought I’d pass on another musical tip - this time for use in the kitchen rather than the bathroom.

A famous 'Letter to the Editor' appeared in the Daily Telegraph some years ago with this intriguing item of culinary wisdom…
If you boil an egg while singing all five verses and chorus of the hymn, ‘Onward Christian Soldiers’. it will be cooked perfectly when you come to Amen...

Written in 1865 by the Rev Sabine Baring-Gould (left), ‘Onward Christian Soldiers’ is traditionally sung to the tune ‘St Gertrude’ penned by Sir Arthur Sullivan of Gilbert & S fame.

Now, just in case you’re not utterly au fait with all five verses -- not to mention the chorus -- here they are, all ready for you to try out whilst preparing tomorrow’s breakfast!

Oh, yes, and don’t forget to add in an Amen at the end as per the instructions above!
Onward, Christian soldiers, marching as to war,
With the cross of Jesus going on before.
Christ, the royal Master, leads against the foe;
Forward into battle see His banners go!

Onward, Christian soldiers, marching as to war,
With the cross of Jesus going on before.

At the sign of triumph Satan’s host doth flee;
On then, Christian soldiers, on to victory!
Hell’s foundations quiver at the shout of praise;
Brothers lift your voices, loud your anthems raise.

Onward, Christian soldiers, marching as to war,
With the cross of Jesus going on before.

Like a mighty army moves the church of God;
Brothers, we are treading where the saints have trod.
We are not divided, all one body we,
One in hope and doctrine, one in charity.

Onward, Christian soldiers, marching as to war,
With the cross of Jesus going on before.

Crowns and thrones may perish, kingdoms rise and wane,
But the church of Jesus constant will remain.
Gates of hell can never ’gainst that church prevail;
We have Christ’s own promise, and that cannot fail.

Onward, Christian soldiers, marching as to war,
With the cross of Jesus going on before.

Onward then, ye people, join our happy throng,
Blend with ours your voices in the triumph song.
Glory, laud, and honour unto Christ the King,
This through countless ages men and angels sing.

Onward, Christian soldiers, marching as to war,
With the cross of Jesus going on before.
Maybe that’s why it’s called a boiled egg with SOLDIERS!

Thursday, 5 July 2007

KEN'S CANDID CAMERA

Where the hell does the time go?

It seems only a few years back (at most a decade or two) that Ken Russell was the enfant terrible of the cinema.

Then, a couple of days ago, he turned 80 and there he was holding court at the Proud Gallery in London's Buckingham Street, where an impressive turn out of the great and the good were in attendance for the launch of a new exhibition of 1950s Russell photographs from the TopFoto archives.

They are, unsurprisingly, compelling!



© TopFoto and Ken Russell

Introducing myself - immediately after he had been reunited Georgina Hale (one of the Russell Repertory Company regulars) - Uncle Ken did me the great courtesy of acting as if he knew who I was. This civility was greatly appreciated by someone who charts his early obsession with movies by the films of Ken Russell.

I was 13 years old when I saw his groundbreaking film about Elgar (1961) made for the BBC’s TV arts programme, Monitor. Revolutionary, in that it included dramatized scenes with actors, Elgar, scorched itself into the memory with searing black and white images such as that of the young Elgar galloping across the Malvern Hills on a white pony.

KEN RUSSELL! It was the name to watch --- and I watched!

In 1968 I saw Song of Summer, the achingly exquisite portrait of Frederick Delius with Max Adrian as the blind, crippled composer struggling to write his final compositions through the medium of his amanuensis, Eric Fenby (Christopher Gable).

It was a sign of the television times in which we then lived that an elitist art film was viewed by enough of the population to subsequently be the subject of loving spoof on The Benny Hill Show!

With these early programmes, Russell defined a new style in filmmaking that was quickly adopted by others, notably Jonathan Miller, Lindsay Anderson and Stanley Kubrick.

Ken soon moved on from TV to cinema and I followed... watching a string of brilliantly controversial films: his adaptation of D H Lawrence’s Women in Love with Glenda Jackson, Jennie Linden, Oliver Reed and Alan Bates – "Tut, tut!" went the critics in response to male nude wrestling by firelight with shocking full frontal views! – and Glenda again, on this occasion with Richard Chamberlain, in The Music Lovers which caused more tut-tutting, this time about Tchaikovsky’s much-loved music being irredeemably tainted by smutty references to homosexuality!

Next, I ran the gauntlet of local Christians picketing the Astor cinema in Bromley in order to see The Devils: Ken’s shocking take on Aldous Huxley’s book The Devils of Loudoun in which Sister Vanessa Redgrave did unforgivably naughty stuff with a convent candle!

Ken was everything I loved about 'sixties and 'seventies cinema: bold, daring, dangerous and outrageous.

There were fantastic, dazzling flights of high campery with a 'twenties-style Twiggy in The Boyfriend and Roger Daltry, Elton John & Co in the rock folly, Tommy. There were also dynamic explorations of the entanglements of art and passion in Savage Messiah and in the monstrously magnificent Mahler which starred Robert Powell and Georgina Hale and swung hysterically – but unforgettably – from the beautiful to the banal and back again. But then Russell was never afraid to fall or fail, it was all part of the risk of flying to the sun on home-made wings!

Anyway, that – and, of course, much else besides – is the Ken Russell everyone knows; what comes as a revelation is this superb collection of photographs, Ken Russell's Lost London Rediscovered: 1951-1957, on show at the Proud Gallery until 21st August; 11.00-18.00, seven days a week.

Of course, we really shouldn’t be surprised that, during his years before breaking into filmmaking, he was already demonstrating such an exceptional skill in composing and creating memorable imagery. As Russell told the Telegraph: “In a way I was making still films, I suppose…”

© TopFoto and Ken Russell
The stunning photographs, which were originally published in Picture Post and other magazines, are candid glimpses of London life in the 1950s as encountered by Russell in the streets around his then lodgings in Portobello Road such as raggedy children playing amongst rain-drenched, post-war bombsites and four-square housewives in curler-disguising turbans and wrap-around aprons.

There are elderly women sitting in graveyards or playing cellos on the steps of the National Gallery; the forgotten cult of Teddy Girls modelling their modish home-made fashions; middle-aged men confusedly contemplating the inexplicable bizarreness of modern art; and - for good measure and pure whimsical delight - eccentric images of mock duels and expeditions by penny-farthing bicycles.









© TopFoto and Ken Russell

The photographs, all of which are available as signed limited prints, were found amongst a cache of boxes that TopFoto bought from Picture Post 30 years ago, but remained overlooked - until now. Mercifully, they were not in Russell’s thatched house in Lymington when it burned down last year, taking with it all the filmmaker's scripts and papers.

These dynamic pictures are a reminder for my generation (and an introduction to a younger generation) of Ken Russell’s extraordinary and extravagant genius behind the lens of a camera…

© TopFoto and Ken Russell

[Images: Photo of Ken Russell by David Weeks; all photographs from the exhibition © TopFoto and Ken Russell]

Wednesday, 4 July 2007

NEW WORLDS AND WONDERLANDS

Two hundred and forty five years ago, today, the Reverend Charles Lutwidge Dodgson and an Oxford colleague, the Reverend Robinson Duckworth, took the three daughters of the Dean of Christ Church - Lorina, Alice and Edith Liddell - on a boating trip.

As they rowed along, Mr Dodgson improvised a fantasy about the curious adventures of a little girl named (like one of the girls on the trip) 'Alice', who followed a White Rabbit down a rabbit-hole and found herself in a true land of wonders...

At Alice’s request, Dodgson wrote out the story - first called Alice’s Adventures Under Ground - adding his own distinctive illustrations. By 1865, it had grown (like someone who had nibbled an EAT ME cake) into Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland and was published under the authorship of Lewis Carroll with illustrations by the legendary Punch artist, Sir John Tenniel.

The book was to make Mr Dodgson’s alter ego one of the most famous men in Victorian England; it also revolutionised children’s literature by abandoning, at a stroke, the long and piously-held tradition of moral-and-improving tales for the young in favour of zany, witty nonsense that had no underlying message other than fun...


July the 4th is also, of course, American Independence Day and is interesting to note how many true literary successors to Lewis Carroll - among them L Frank Baum, James Thurber, Ogden Nash and Maurice Sendak - have sprung up in America.

But then perhaps this shouldn’t really surprise us, since the Americans have always shown themselves to be far greater lovers and defenders of Wonderland (and Looking-glass World) than the English have ever been…

Maybe there are reasons for this affinity between the American sensibility and Carroll’s nonsense realm: for one thing, Alice is a highly independent and self-sufficient individual (a truly revolutionary notion for a child’s book of the 1800s); for another, the Wonderlanders with whom she mixes are a wildly disparate conglomeration of diverse species - animals, humans, animals dressed as humans and humans with animal masks - all of whom (for the most part) rub along together but who are, together, fiercely territorial!

I find it fascinating - and humbling - that, in 1948 (by which time the original manuscript of
Alice’s Adventures Under Ground
had been sold and was in the possession of an American collector), a group of US well-wishers - led by the Librarian of Congress - should have started a fund to raise the considerable sum of money required to buy back the manuscript and send it home to us!


That first foray into Carroll's underground wonderworld now resides in the British Library and maybe we should remember the American act of selfless generosity which made that possible the next time we look at, say, the Elgin Marbles…

Meanwhile, time to raise a cup of tea (courtesy of Hatter, Hare & Dormouse: 'Specialist Teas for the Discerning Palette') and join in the toast-----

Happy 245th Birthday, Alice!

Happy 231st Birthday, America!


[Images: Manuscript of Alice's Adventure's Under Ground from the Online Gallery at the British Library (where you can read more about Alice, Carroll and Wonderland); John Tenniel's Alice illustrations from Goldmark Art]

Tuesday, 3 July 2007

HANDY HINT

Of all the songs in the world, surely the naffest is ‘The Birthday Song’, aka “Happy Birthday to You-ooooooooo”.

A tedious tune and puerile lyrics - especially when compared with those songs sung in other countries, such as Greece where the birthday boy or girl is serenaded with words which can be (roughly) translated as follows:
Long may you live [Name]
And may you live many years;
May you grow old
With white hair
May you spread out everywhere
The light of knowledge
And may everybody say
There, he/she is a wise man/woman.
However, “Happy Birthday to You” does, it seems, have its uses --- at least according to a news story this week (endorsed by various medical websites) which claimed that it is the perfect timing-device by which to ensure that you have washed your hands long enough to get them really clean.

Apparently, you simply lather up and sing “Happy Birthday to You” through TWICE -- and not too fast -- and you will have hands that are guaranteed germ-free!


And if you really can’t bring yourself to perform your ablutions while singing such a tiresome little ditty, then there is an alternative, equally cleansing number, that goes like this…
Row, row, row your boat
Gently down the stream.
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily,
Life is but a dream.
So, pick your song and off you go and get scrubbed up!

Monday, 2 July 2007

FIVE MORE PEARLS

FIVE MORE


OF

WISDOM


1. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

2. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

3. Always remember, you are unique --- just like everyone else!

4. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

5. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Sunday, 1 July 2007

SMOKE & MIRRORS

I've always believed that MAGIC is not about DOING TRICKS but about Spinning Stories, Telling Tales, Formulating Fictions...

A lot of magicians would disagree with me (probably the majority, actually!) but magic is such a potentially potent and powerful craft - even an artform - that it is capable of not simply puzzling and perplexing the spectator but of evoking breath-catching wonderment...

Like the shaman - the mystic, the oracle, the seer - the magician assualts our rational senses; confronts our fears, doubts and hopes; challenges our beliefs (and disbeliefs); awakens memories of dreams and nightmares; and liberates far-fetched fantasies and gives them wings...

My friend John van der Put and his colleagues in Stand Not Amazed have a similar philosophy about magic and recently enjoyed success with their performance of Magic to Cry for...

A couple smoking, two lives driven by little white death sticks. They appear, evaporate, multiply uncontrollably, and all the while we wonder: is it ever ok to really need something? To need someone? Maybe not all bad things are good for you. An acceptance is reached, an understanding gained, he quits giving up, she quits giving in; everyone needs a vice in the city.
Stand Not Amazed are currently working on a full-length debut show in which magic, movement and storytelling will be woven together and have very nicely asked me to be their 'Textual Consultant'. Although I haven't the faintest idea what that will turn out to mean in reality -- in so far as magic ever deals with anything as humdrum as reality! -- I shall, in the meantime, be watching their next outing, The Quircus, on Thursday 5th July at The Honor Oak in SE23 (full details in side bar, scroll down below right; click to enlarge), with suitably bedazzled fascination!

Why not join me there? And if you Sit Not Amazed, I shall be very surprised!


[Image: Magician Tarot card from The Halloween Tarot by Kipling West]