Tuesday, 23 January 2007

THE LANGUAGE OF FOOD

I'm still valiantly waging the waistline war and progress is very slow and none too steady... However, I recently ran across some research that maybe the REAL ANSWER to the struggles of us fatties hoping to avoid an untimely heart-attack.


Consider the following FACTS...

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the English.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the English.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the English.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the English.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the English.

To which the obvious CONCLUSION is:

You can eat and drink whatever you like --- it's speaking English that kills you!

8 comments:

Cafrine said...

Oh no! This is terrible news! All I know is English, and, like, a word of Indonesian. No Japanese, no Mexican, no German. I know a little Chinese from TV, and I can ask what your name is in Italian but I wouldn't understand the answer. I'm toast!

Although, actually? I don't know English particularly well. I smell a loophole?!

Scrooge said...

I'm hopeless at diets so I'm glad to have contacted an illness just before Christmas that shed me 10lbs. This means I can eat whatever I like ! There, problem sorted.
Re the heart attack thing, the English run around full speed trying to do everything, work far too many hours and don't look after themselves. I believe the new buzzwords are work/life balance to describe what we don't have.However, in light of your post, I have decided to speak only German from now on, just to be on the safe side nicht war ?

Suzanne said...

Do you think the ACCENT has any influence? Look at the Americans! Living in Belgium, I speak English with my daughters and need to lose weight and down my cholesterol. My daughters speak English to me and they are beautiful slim things!

Brian Sibley said...

Sorry, darlings, but American and Australian AREN'T English!!! Bad news on the language-speaking front, but good news in the fight against the flab!

Of course how this explains all those large ladies in Florida, I'm not sure; but then America is a bigger country so perhaps it compensates!

As for the Australians, everybody knows that they all look like either Paul Hogan or Kylie Minogue!

jen said...

Forget liposuction - Possers for cellulite!
A hot tub ,bi-lingual friend & a posser, what more could you want on a winter's night? At least it would keep you away from the fridge........

Cafrine said...

Ha! Well, that's a load off my mind! Phew! What a relief.

Oh, but, uh, bad news for you, I guess...

Phil said...

Regarding your Florida comment: another way to get slim is to move to a place where people are fatter than you are. I felt incredibly slim after I moved from the south coast to the West Midlands.

Mind you, if you're not careful, you have to keep moving every couple of years. Maybe Florida becomes the final resting place.

Brian Sibley said...

I'll start saving for my ticket now! It'll be nice to be near Walt Disney World!