CLASS-CONSCIOUS

It's funny but people of a certain class seem incapable of speaking at any volume lower than a loud-hailer. Maybe this is due to having to converse on a daily basis along the full length of baronial banqueting tables.

At any rate, the Duke and Duchess were the only other people sitting in our local restaurant and seemed totally unphased by the fact that - munching away on our penne pasta - we couldn't help but hear every word of their conversation as they went through the next six months of their social engagements with reference to a gold-crest-embossed diary.

"So, next week we've the Queen Elizabeth Hall and the Abbey - we have the tickets for that, don't we..."

"And we're confirmed with the Dean for afterwards."

"Excellent! Then it's just two weeks until Moscow. Of course, it's only for four days, so we shouldn't have to take too much. Then we've a bit of a lull after that, yes?"

"Well there's Roberta's exhibition preview - which we simply have to go to..."

* Grunt *

"And Philip's book launch at the Royal Institute or the Royal Society of Arts or wherever it is - the invitation is on the mantelpiece..."

"Yes, I'm rather keen to go to that - quite a coup to be having it there, I think..."

"After that, we can take things a bit easier - at least until the Sherbourne Abbey Festival and Glyndebourne..."

"That's the Monteverdi, isn't it?"

"Yes, we opted for that rather than the Britten. And if you remember we have four tickets because we didn't get to The Pearl Fishers..."

"Who are we taking?"

"Well we thought about Lucinda and Tristram..."

"Yes. That would be good. Haven't seen them in ages and Lucinda would love it..."

"Except - I think they may be away surfing that weekend..."

"Well, let's check and see and if not maybe we can think of someone else..."

We were on the point of volunteering when the Duke, unwrapping one of the mini-lollipops that the management always deliver with the bill, announced with determination and finality...

"Well that's all very good... Then all that's left to do is deal with America..."

Which, undoubtedly, they will!