ODDMINTS

After those various mint selections offered by The Unemployed Philosophers Guild (see here, here and here), I have now discovered - from a different source - some extreme oddities, such as...

COMMIE MINTS

"Revolutionize your breath just like Lenin and the Bolsheviks revolutionized Mother Russia!"

GARLIC MINTS

"Each gothicly-styled tin contains one hundred mints guaranteed to give you the kind of garlic breath that will send vampires scurrying back to their coffins. Warning: consistent use of Garlic Mints may have a negative impact on your social life."

BITE-THE-BULLET MINTS

"Keep a tin of these Bite the Bullet Mints in your holster and you’ll have the freshest breath in the West!"

DEATH MINTS

"Each collectible, coffin-shaped tin contains one hundred potent mints that will leave you with fresh breath to die for!"

MONKEY [Banana-Flavoured] MINTS

"If the simple grin on this monkey tin isn't enough to cheer you up, the delicious banana mints inside should do the trick. Whether you're monkeying around at home, or going bananas at work, a smiling tin of Monkey Mints will surely turn that frown upside down."

BACON MINTS

"Each one of these mints tastes like a delicious slice of crispy bacon with just a hint of mint flavor to give it that extra punch!"


After which you may wish to avail yourself of some...

BACON FLAVOURED TOOTHPICKS

"Whether you yearn to eliminate unsightly debris from those hard-to-reach spaces between your teeth or you crave a splash of bacon zest to spice up a boring oral hygiene routine, these bacon-flavored toothpicks are for you. Arm yourself with invigorating pig freshness and the confidence that you can take on the world. The next time you pig out, you'll be glad you have these flavorful slender sticks of wood by your side."


And for something altogether different...

BUBBLE GUM CIGARETTES

"Satisfy your oral fixation with these classic Bubble Gum Cigarettes. We're pretty sure that the Surgeon General will have no problem with you chewing a pack a day!"

MARIE ANTOINETTE HEAD LOLLIPOPS

"Once you get over the initial reluctance to put a human head in your mouth, you'll find that the subtle contours and cherry flavor of these Marie Antoinette Head Lollipops are worth the strange looks you'll get as you suck them."


"Let then suck lollipops!" I say.

And seriously YUCK...

GUMMY HEART

"Express your deep love and devotion in a creepy and disturbing way with a Gummy Heart. Each 4" tall, 80 gram piece of strawberry flavored gummy candy is realistically detailed to look just like a human heart! The package features a charming little rhyme: 'My love is pure, my love is true, you can have my heart and eat it too!'"


All these - and unbelievably more! - are available from Archie McPhee, 'Horrifying the World for Twenty-Five Years'.

Lastly, my personal favourite...

...because, of course, Nihilists don’t believe in flavour!

UNDERGROUND ART

Yes! It's another tin of mints from The Unemployed Philosophers Guild...


The decoration is based on the various paintings of Adam and Eve succumbing to the Forbidden Fruit in the Garden of Eden, as depicted by the 16th century painter, Lucas Cranach the Elder.

The most remarkable thing about Cranach's paintings involving nudes is the extraordinarily convenient way in which foliage grew at the time: puting forth leaf and bud at just the right moment and in just the right position to prevent unnecessary embarrassment...


A recent exhibition of Cranach's paintings at London's Royal Academy caused a bit a furore on the tubes when Transport for London took exception to a poster based on Cranach's Venus: a foxy lass 'dressed' in a piece of whispy gauze (I was reminded of Pete and Dud's famous conversation in the art gallery) and a string of pearls...


A TFL spokesperson said: "Millions of people travel on the London Underground each day and they have no choice but to view whatever adverts are posted there. We have to take account of the full range of travellers and endeavour not to cause offence in the advertising we display."

That's pretty astonishing when you think about it: a 500 year old woman managing to shock and offend our liberal 21st century !

London Underground advertising is currently vetted by a firm called CBS Outdoor and the hapless Venus fell foul of the guideline that advertising should not "depict men, women or children in a sexual manner, or display nude or semi-nude figures in an overtly sexual context".

Hmmmm...

So what's this chap doing, hanging around Bond Street Station?


Obviously - if the warning sign is to be believed - he's a slippery customer...

Images: Cranach exhibition pictures from Daylife; Dolce-and-Gabbana-man by Brian Sibley.

EXCITEMINTS

Here are some more tempting tins of minty mischievousness...

Firstly, a useful aid to theatre-going - especially if it's the uncut version of Hamlet...


And for anyone - like Hamlet - grappling with an Oedipus-Complex, here's a handy aid - whether you are a Freud or a Freudee...


And for those intimate momints that may well get discussed 'on the couch'...




Why buy a packet of Polos (itself a sweet with Freudian undertones) when you could hand round a tin of these?

So, where to acquire them, you ask? The answer: from The Unemployed Philosophers Guild where you will also find many more witty and irresistibly silly items such as magnetic finger-puppets of famous philosophers, writers and scientists not to mention Pavlov's Dog and Schrödinger's Cat - the former with a bell that doesn't ring and a total absence of drool, the latter clearly both dead and alive...*

You can visit The Unemployed Philosophers Guild in complete confidence knowing that, as the disclaimer proclaims: No philosophers or artists were harmed in anyway in the making of this website.

* Here's some useful background information for those needing a reminder about Pavlov's Dog and Schrödinger's Cat and what they got up to.

ENTICEMINTS

As you can see, I'm still in Wonderland...


These 'Eat-Mes' are from the same people responsible for those Freudian Slippers I recently posted about.

Even if you're not easily enchanted, you may find some other mints to suit your political or religious persuasions...