CITY OF CURIOSITIES

Nothing should ever surprise one in Venice...

HERE'S A PRETTY HOWDA-DO

From the back of a cupboard comes...

This charming elephant tea-pot...

...er... NOT!

CRACKERS? BONKERS!

Easter takes one hop nearer to its inevitable Christmasization...

Along with yellow paper crowns there were 'mottoes' with eggs-cruciating punning jokes (or, I should say, 'yolkes') such as...

Q: How does a soggy bunny get dry?

A: He uses a hare dryer!

Now, I bet that really cracked you up!

Some, people, it should be noted, really enjoyed them – as you can see from buttons' blog!

PENGUIN POUND

Spotted by Roger on Monday during the demolition of the Somerset House Christmas Ice Rink...

Illegal immigrants awaiting deportation?

Actually, I like the photo SO much,

I've decided that it must be our New Year

CAPTION COMPETITION!! 

Enter NOW!! Closing date: 19 January 2014


Photo: Roger Shrigley

FEET FIRST

More remarkable (some might say unbelievable) footwear from the streets of Venezia, courtesy of the eagle-eyed David Weeks.

Most of these items have been thoughtfully designed for the embellishment –or do I mean torture? – of the female of the species, but the first pair is especially bizarre: a formal pair of gent's shoes with just the ONE gold toe-cap!! 

SON OF RETURN OF THE CAPTION COMPETITION!

Yes! 

It's another opportunity to give vent to your weirdly distorted imaginations and come up with CAPTIONS for this delightful souvenir of what was, obviously, an idyllic childhood...

Leave your entries as comments below or (if you can be asked to run the gauntlet of blogger's security system) e-mail me them.

You can have as many attempts as you like at adding an explanatory caption or telling me the words or thoughts of the child –– or, indeed, the alligators...

 Closing date for entries: Monday 18 November.

THE LION, THE WITCH AND THE PUB-DOOR...

Spotted by Roger: 'The Gold Cup' public house in Ascot, which was closed when the landlord retired and, despite protests from CAMRA (The Campaign for Real Ale) the brewery decided to apply for planning permission for a housing development. The sorrowful sight of the once-convivial facade has been somewhat relived by an interesting addition to the boarded-up front door...

The work of a literate graffitist? Or knowing advice to passers-by from a seasoned explorer?

Who knows...

Of course, the first discoverer of Narnia, C S Lewis, was a man who was noted for enjoying a pint of good English ale, so maybe – just possibly – it's worth a try...

Next time you're passing, Roger, give the handle a bit of tug and see what happens. However, if it starts to open and you notice a few snowflakes drifting out, I'd check your travel insurance before going further...

CRACKERS!

On the back of the Christmas cracker joke: a sign of our times...

"GIVE US A SHOUT!"

Oddity of the week...

The Loud Mouth Phone from Presents for Men...

PETER PETER PUMPKIN-CARVER

Before you start hacking away at those pumpkins in preparation for tomorrow's Halloween celebrations, you may care to take a little inspiration from these sculptural masterpieces that are the work of the man called 'The Michelangelo of Pumpkin Carving': Ray Villafane and his ludicrously talented colleagues at Villafane Studios...

MAD HOUSE FOR BIRD BRAINS

Wanting to attract nesting birds to your back yard?

What is less likely to encourage a flock of blue-tits in search of a 'des res' than this Wonderland bird-box...

But maybe it'd be OK if you're bird-spotting in or around the Tulgey Wood!

KNOCK OUT!

Yes, it is a phone book – but not as we know it, Jim!


I was going to entitle this post, 'Sorry, Wrong Number', but then I thought, maybe BT have, actually, got my number!

Better just punch in those digits and wait for the bell to ring!

PLUMB CRAZY

The other week, magicians in The Magic Circle were being circulated with an offer to buy a unique vehicle number-plate for a mere £5, 500...


But perhaps the most dedicated collectors of 'personalised' number-plates I've ever come across is the company, Pimlico Plumbers.

Crossing Vauxhall Bridge one night, we noticed a van ahead of us...


...with an interesting number-plate...


Ever since, we've been spotting other Pimlico Plumbers vans with similarly idiosyncratic plates...



And one of the best – LOO 2 WET...


There are, apparently dozens more that we''ve not spotted yet, such as:

W4TER
7O1LET
C15TEN
8ATH
DRA1N
B1DET
TAP I5 ON
A LE4K
LOO 2 OLD
TAP S7OP

I think I'm going to start an I-Spy Book of Pimlico Plumbers Number-plates and try to collect them all!

Here's the full roll – bog-roll would be better! – of their impressive collection. And if you own a likely contender for the list, they may well be in the market to buy!

SHORT CARTOONS

The fact that this is a spoof is as plain as the nose on Pinocchio's face.

Oh, I see......


These, on the other hand, are a genuine product: just £9.51 a pair!



Still, at least Messrs Milne and Shepard got a credit!

WEIGHTING AROUND

When you think of the Canadian city of Calgary, you probably think of the Calgary Stampede and cowboys on galloping horses rounding up cattle.

What you are probably unlikely to think of is hippopotami...

But, as Sheila and Roger discovered on their recent travels, each of the luggage carousels at Calgary Airport features a different animal and, in the vicinity of Oversize Baggage, you will find a hippopotamus who seems to be saying, "Guess where your missing suitcase is?"


Anyway, I am reminded that Mitch Hedberg once astutely asked: "Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool Opotamus?"

Photo: Sheila Shrigley © 2011

OPENING CEREMONY

The curious thing about moving house is that you come across stuff you haven't seen for years...

Though no longer new, it had to be opened!

Is this a cue for old schoolboy joke about Martin Luther? Perhaps not...

CAUGHT RED-HANDED!

OXFORD, 1865: Lewis Carroll – in Alice's Adventures in Wonderland – describes the following scene...

A large rose-tree stood near the entrance of the garden: the roses growing on it were white, but there were three gardeners at it, busily painting them red.

Alice thought this a very curious thing, and she went nearer to watch them...

"Would you tell me," said Alice, a little timidly, "why you are painting those roses?"

Five and Seven said nothing, but looked at Two. Two began in a low voice, "Why the fact is, you see, Miss, this here ought to have been a red rose-tree, and we put a white one in by mistake; and if the Queen was to find it out, we should all have our heads cut off, you know..."

LONDON, 2011: Life imitates literature...

Of course, in my 21st-century-version, the roses are artificial and the red paint is in a spray-can!

To round off this eccentric post, here's the original Wonderland episode as interpreted by Uncle Walt and his merry elves...

And, if you haven't got a copy of Disney's 1951 animated feature film of Alice in Wonderland, you might consider buying the 60th Anniversary Edition on Blu-ray which heavily features (how else?) Yours-Truly in the accompanying 76-minute picture-in-picture documentary, Through the Keyhole: A Companion’s Guide to Wonderland.

AFTER 'THE FOX AT THE MANGER'...

...A DOG IN THE MANGER!


In case you ever wondered: the phrase 'dog in the manger' derives from a proverb against selfishness and envy by the 2nd Century Greek writer, Lucian who observed, in Remarks addressed to an Illiterate Book-fancier:

"There was a dog lying in a manger who did not eat the grain but who nevertheless prevented the horse from being able to eat anything either."

In Book II of the 12th century poem, Confessio Amantis, the English poet, John Gower, wrote:


Though it be not the hound's habit
To eat chaff, yet will he warn off
An ox that commeth to the barn
Thereof to take up any food.



And, in keeping with the photo at the top of this post, it should be noted that in the apocryphal Gospel of Thomas, Jesus is credited with using this saying in his teachings:

"Jesus said, 'Woe to the Pharisees, for they are like a dog sleeping in the manger of oxen, for neither does he eat nor does he let the oxen eat.'"


The illustration above is by Francis Barlow from Barlow's Aesop (1687) by which time the Greek fabulist had been pretty much universally (if inaccurately) credited with the proverb...

Incidentally, a few years ago, we came across a witty engraving in Venice featuring "a doge in the manger"!

STANDING ROOM ONLY

Passing the London Transport Museum shop in Covent Garden the other day, I discovered - somewhat to my surprise - that it is possible to purchase furniture upholstered in moquette fabric featuring the patterns used on London's buses and underground trains...

The question is why one would want to sit on a sofa that made you feel you were still on the tube, but to each his own and I suppose the experience could be further enhanced with a few lager cans, a bag of half-eaten KFC, a not-quite-empty Macdonald's milkshake container and a scattering of day-old Metros.

Then invite a large crowd of tired, cross and sweaty strangers in for the evening and your sitting room could become a standing room only!

Perfect!



You'll find details of the LTM Furniture Collection here.

DOG DAYS

I'm, used to seeing weird things along the Thames Embankment these days, but a busking pooch...?