CAUGHT WITH THEIR TROUSERS DOWN

Today, as Sheila kindly reminded me, is...

...whilst I'm not sure this singularly American annual event has followers elsewhere in the world, it obviously provides an opportunity/excuse to show some pictures of men in pants for which, bizarrely, this blog has an unaccountable reputation!

So, here goes – courtesy of the advertising campaign of the aptly-named Balls Underwear brand – beginning with a representative of the nation responsible for giving us National Underwear Day...

And so that Spain, Germany, France and England don't feel left out...

 

 

At least we now know how Master Hood (who bears a striking resemblance to Errol Flynn) managed to keep his men so merrie!

And a couple of videos to make you smile...

WINTER DRAWERS ON

Tonight, the temperature is just 1 degree and this is a vintage Damart advertisement.

Any further comment would be superfluous...

SHORT CARTOONS

The fact that this is a spoof is as plain as the nose on Pinocchio's face.

Oh, I see......


These, on the other hand, are a genuine product: just £9.51 a pair!



Still, at least Messrs Milne and Shepard got a credit!

3-DEGREES UNDER

How long before the 3D bubble bursts? Or, maybe, it really is here for good this time...

3D TVs are in the stores as are a whole range of 3D camcorders so you can add a new dimension to your home movie.


And (if you happen to have any red and green specs laying around anywhere) here's the trailer for the concluding part of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows which, as you are cannot fail to have noticed, goes on release in the UK today – in 3D!!

But if anyone doubts that the 3D fad has reached ludicrous levels of absurdity, then just consider the following products on offer from clothing manufacturer, Pistol Pete...

3D UNDERWEAR

This new collection is cutting edge! Gotta try it!
Each item comes with a stylish pair of 3D glasses
and the effect is quite fun!

One can imagine the amorous scene... Low lights and sweet music, champagne of ice, silk sheets turned back... Then: the moment of disrobing and a sudden, unexpected, hiatus: "Just slip on these 3D glasses, will you? I think you'll find that the effect is quite fun!"

I'm just guessing, of course, but, presumably, the specs make things stand out better!

AND, you can hear my view of HP&TDH Part 2 on the Radio 2 Arts Show tonight at around 11:30 pm.

FLESHING THINGS OUT

Among the latest products from Alexander McQueen there are items packaged thus...


So, what are the products in question (or, more to the point, in the boxes) and is that "anatomically detailed packaging" by "fêted fashion photographer, Alasdair McLellan" representative of what is inside (Advertising Standards Authority alert) or merely a 'serving suggestion'?

Here's some more images from the fêted Mr McLellan.

FOOTBALL CRAZY

There's no escaping it: the 2010 FIFA World Cup starts today and whilst I realise that, for millions, this is going to be a month-long ecstatic orgy of footie, I'd ask the media to spare a thought for those benighted souls such as myself who simply cannot - however hard we try - identify with Bill Shankly's famous quote: "Some people think football is a matter of life and death. I assure you it's much more serious than that!"

Certainly that seems to be the case with those global sponsors for whom, for the next few weeks, football represents a serious commercial investment...

And since Signor Ronaldo also has a sponsorship deal with Armani...

...we oughtn't to be surprised if manufacturers of intimate bodywear weren't also providing us with a sporting excuse for keeping an eye on the ball...

STOCKINGFELLERS

While checking out some stuff about Robin Hood - honestly, officer! - I 'Googled' Mel Brook's 1993 send-up, Robin Hood: Men in Tights, and stumbled across the website e-MANcipate.net, an on-line 'Hosiery Fashion Magazine for Men', which is chiefly devoted to promoting the wearing of what are referred to as 'mantyhose' - or pantyhose for men.

Their mission statement, answers the self-posed question, "Why do many men do wear pantyhose as a regular clothing item", as follows:

Why? Because there's nothing gender-specific in this garment. It was worn mostly by women during the last fifty years - but it doesn't mean it for ladies only. Since it's not designed to fit any female organs, it's a unisex clothing item by function, just like trousers, gloves or glasses.

OK, so how come I've never seen any in M&S Menswear Department alongside the usual ties, socks and Y-fronts? Well, probably because they aren't there --- yet!

But there are, I find, plenty of stockists (or, perhaps I should say, 'tightists') on-line including the German company Collanto who issue the following rallying-cry on their British Homepage:

Free yourself from ancient opinions !
Be man enough and explore new worlds
to get the feeling of wearing real men’s pantyhose and tights !
That piece of clothing is no longer for women only.
We have got the tights for real men !

Real men should, without delay, check out their range of Strumphosen fur den Menn that includes products named 'Filip', 'Adam' and rather reassuringly, 'Fred'!

Going back to the e-MANcipate.net site, I'll leave you to fully explore the extensive content. There's so much there...

You'll find useful hints on how to put on your man-tights (in 8 easy steps, starting from position one, right); and, when you've done that, you can enjoy such True Confessions-type articles as 'Ladies, Does Your Guy Wear Pantyhose?' which begins...

"Sarah was shocked to discover a pair of pantyhose in her husband Jeff’s sock drawer. Her alarm turned to puzzlement when she noticed something very unusual about them. They had a fly opening in front. When she confronted him, Jeff reluctantly acknowledged that they were his, and he’d been wearing them because of nagging pain in his legs at the end of his shift as a short order cook..."

...Despite a side-bar link to 'Macho-Mantyhose', I'm not convinced that this is a trend that is going to be taken up without, if you'll pardon the pun, running into quite a few snags along the way!

Meanwhile, back in the Greenwood...

NAUGHTY NICKERS

AussieBum's cheeky underwear posters are now found the world over with this one, apparently, causing particular disquiet in Catholic countries where prudery (at least in public) is still regarded as de rigeur...

What interests me, is where AussieBum got their inspiration for this particular advertisement? Personally, I think they took a sneaky peek at a blog-posting of mine made back in September 2007: check it out...

The only minor differences are the height of the tide and the fact that David isn't wearing his underpants as a bandanna. Otherwise, it is clearly an outrageous infringement of copyright and legal proceedings will be instituted immediately!

Image: Brian Sibley © 2007. You'll find lots more of my photos (many equally picturesque though not necessarily as revealing!) on my flickr Photo Albums.

ARTYPANTS

It doesn't matter how I came across it (unless, of course, you're my psychoanalyst) but, the other day, I spotted an on-line clothing store advertisement in which their 'Classics Collection' - products which included bags, polo shirts and underwear - were described as being as enduring as "a beautiful Venetian painting"...


Ironically, among the art masterpieces depicted in the ad, there isn't a single Venetian painting in sight!

However, while visiting the Nordic Pavilion at the 53rd Annual Art Exhibition in Venice we did see a collection of underwear and swim trunks framed up as art...

That's art in the broadest sense of the word, of course...

Anyway, I'll be giving you a glimpse of more of the artistic treasures and travesties of the Venice Biennale very shortly.

Bet you can hardly contain yourself!

Image: Brian Sibley © 2009

MY FIRST ABC

I was kind-of 'tagged' by Sibley-blog-regular, SCB (alias Where there are Meadowlarks), with a meme based on the Alphabet.

So, here's my ABC - which stands, in case you wondered, for Autobiographically Blogged Confessional...


A – Age: 59 --- for five more days only!

I will be, as the mathematicians amongst you will by now have deduced, 60 on 14 July.

In fact I've already received my application for my winter fuel allowance. Am I at all depressed? Well, what do you think?

B – Bed Size: Super King Size - and, even with all that room (as David will unhappily testify) I still take up more than my half!

C – Chore you hate: All chores! That's why they're called 'chores'! The clue's in the word!

D – Dog’s name: I've never owned a dog, probably because when I was a small boy, some friends of my parents had a poodle who mistook me for a tree (or, possibly, a lamppost) and peed up my leg!

Favourite fictional dogs (mostly - but not entirely - with Disney connections): Lady and the Tramp (and their canine companions), the One Hundred and One Dalmatians, Old Yeller, Greyfriars Bobby, Rin Tin Tin, Pluto, Toto and, obviously, Snoopy...

E – Essential start your day: Tea, toast and marmalade.

F – Favourite color: The fact that I can't instantly name a favourite colour means I probably don't have one - other than black, of course, which is what I wear most of the time under the misbegotten belief that it makes me look slimmer.

G – Gold or Silver: I don't have much of either and rarely wear what I have. I occasionally wear the gold signet ring with a blood stone that my parents gave me when I was 21, a gold bracelet that I bought with birthday money when I was forty and a silver cross given to me, a few years ago, by our friends on Kalymnos.

Every now and again I wear my mother's wedding ring on a gold chain which was a birthday present from my friend Dave, twenty years ago.

And, of course, I constantly wear my white and yellow gold partnership ring - which matches David's and came from Athens...

H – Height: 5′10.5″ I fervently believe I used to be taller but have, in keeping with my advancing years, now started to shrink - except, needless to say, around the waist!

I – Instruments you play(ed): The recorder, tambourine and triangle - at school and badly!

If the human voice counts, I sang as a Policeman (in a papier mache helmet and with a rubber truncheon) in a school production of Gilbert and Sullivan's The Pirates of Penzance ("Tarantara, tarantara!") and almost sang the role of Captain Corcoran in G&S's H M S Pinafore - until the music mistress had a breakdown and never came back!

Many years later - I sang and (sort-of) danced in To Sea in a Sieve, a musical play based on the life and verses of Edward Lear (right) written with my composer friend, Dave Hewson, and performed with Polly March (playing everyone except Edward Lear, including Queen Victoria and a parrot!) at the Edinburgh Festival and then at the Westminster Theatre, London.

I also sang a bit - in a Rex Harrisonesque fashion - in a show entitled, England, Our England, compiled and presented with my friends Ms March and Tony Miall which opened the St James's Arts Centre in Malta. The description 'international singer', would, therefore, not be entirely unjustified!

J – Job title: 'Writer'. It used to 'Writer and Broadcaster', but since I hardly ever get to do the latter nowadays, it seems a bit presumptuous.

K – Kid(s): None. Though, happily, quite a few of my grown-up friends fall into this category!

L – Living arrangements: Flat but the word 'arrangement' really does not apply to the constant muddle in which we live!

M – Mom’s name: Doris. As a young woman she was very handsome and my first memories are of her looking very much like this...

She died 10 years ago, but I still wish I could pick up the phone and talk with her...

N – Nicknames: At school I was 'Sibbers' (which I never liked but had to get used to) and, to a few people, 'Bri' (which I've always hated). More cruelly, I was 'Frog's-eyes' (because of their prominence) and, when I started wearing specs, inevitably, 'Four-eyes'.

Occasionally, people have jokingly called me 'Brain'! In fact, when I was born, my Mum misspelled my name thus in announcing my arrival to my paternal grandparents. Nowadays, it's only my magician friend, Fay Presto, who uses that moniker.

My mate, Dave (collaborator on the aforementioned Lear musical) used to call me 'Brisy' which was a bit camp - even for me - and, thankfully, never really caught on!

O – Overnight hospital stay other than birth: Major internal operation, aged 3 or 4, performed in the early hours of morning. Being in the days before parents were allowed to stay with their children in hospital, I was alone except for my white polar (teddy) bear, Brumas (see later under 'Z' for 'Zoo'), and was utterly terrified! I carry the physical and psychological scars to this day.

I had a duodenal ulcer, aged 21 (cured with several weeks of bed rest and a liquid diet - yuck!); and, rather more recently, a few heart-scares. Undoubtedly (and unfortunately) there's more to come...

P – Pet Peeve: Waiters (and other people in the so-called 'service industries') who tell me that something I've requested is "No problem!" Also most other debasements of the English Language!

Q – Quote from a movie: "Strange, isn't it? Each man's life touches so many other lives. When he isn't around he leaves an awful hole, doesn't he?"

Said by Clarence Oddbody the Angel (Henry Travers) to George Bailey (James Stewart) in Frank Capra's 1946 film, It's a Wonderful Life.

Or...

"If you can't say nuffin' nice, don't say nuffin' at all!"

Spoken by Thumper (quoting his father's advice) in Disney's 1941 animated feature, Bambi.

R – Right or left handed: Right. Always thought it would be cool (and occasionally useful) to be ambidextrous but have never seriously tried and am terrified of breaking my right arm!

S – Sports: Er... No!!

T – Time you wake up: Depends how bad a night I've had. Usually around 7:00-7:30 am, but I'm frequently having a cuppa and doing correspondence, writing blogs and playing Bejewelled at 3:00 and 4:00 in the morning.

U – Underwear: Have you read my blog?!

One thing I know: underwear advertising has certainly changed during my lifetime...

Er... Just a little...

V – Vegetable you dislike: Aubergine, which is a pity, because, uncooked, they look so beautiful.

That said, Irene Glinatsi at Artistico (in Emporios) serves them thinly sliced, battered and drizzled in Kalymnian honey. Sensational!

W – Ways you run late: Believing that David is really ready to go when he says he's ready to go! Believing I'm ready to go, when I've yet to locate my keys, watch, phone, credit card or brain...

X – X-rays you’ve had: Chest, hips, feet, knees and (using a long tube with a camera on the end) boomp-sa-daisy.

Y – Yummy food you make: Never cook these days, but I used to make a mean cottage pie and a rather good strawberry fool-type desert with semi-frozen Muller Light.

Z – Zoo favorite: I vividly remember my first visit to the London Zoo as a child (age 2 or 3) having a ride on an elephant and seeing the polar bear, Ivy and her cub, Brumas, who had been born four months after me in November 1949.

I was re-introduced to the zoo by a zoology-mad school chum and, a few years later, became a member of the Zoological Society of London going there at least two or three times a month.

I still love all zoos (if they're well run) and most of their inhabitants - except reptiles and insects. Particular favourites: bears and elephants (of which - quite rightly - there are now fewer or none in zoos), giraffes, hippos (the one below lives in Amsterdam zoo), red pandas, otters, penguins and pelicans.

So, that's it: ME from A to Zee!

Now, let's see...

I'll tag... Sharon M, Bitter Animator, Good Dog, Susan D-L, Diva of Deception, the blog-less Roger and/or Sheila (send your entry as a comment) and anyone else who fancies a challenge!

Quite a few of the images were uploaded via flickr.

SPORTS BRIEFING

In case you missed Bentos' comment on my blog about those naked rugby players, check out the Italian rugger stars who're currently doing their bit for Dolce & Gabbana...


Here's what the Press Release said...

Paris, Jean Bouin Arena, a symbolic place for Rugby.

It's in this "temple of Sport" that Domenico Dolce and Stefano Gabbana created the new D&G Underwear Advertising Campaign, with five Italian champions and photographer Randall Mesdon.

Sergio Parisse, Denis Dallan, Ezio Galon, Andrea Masi e Gonzalo Canale are the athletes D&G chose to represent the contemporary man, and his lifestyle.

The impressive bodies sculpted through dedication, discipline and physically strenuous trainings, make them the perfect models for a new ideal of beauty that is healthy, clean and masculine.

Randall Mesdon enhanced the statuesque lines of their body, the very same body which is that of real-life gladiators, scarred by strong encounters with worthy opponents. Because it's the fight, but also the utter sportsmanship with which it is carried on, that makes Rugby one of the most fascinating and captivating disciplines out there.

Yeah, right! If I were you, I'd just watch the film! Follow this link and click on video.

UNDERGROUND ART

Yes! It's another tin of mints from The Unemployed Philosophers Guild...


The decoration is based on the various paintings of Adam and Eve succumbing to the Forbidden Fruit in the Garden of Eden, as depicted by the 16th century painter, Lucas Cranach the Elder.

The most remarkable thing about Cranach's paintings involving nudes is the extraordinarily convenient way in which foliage grew at the time: puting forth leaf and bud at just the right moment and in just the right position to prevent unnecessary embarrassment...


A recent exhibition of Cranach's paintings at London's Royal Academy caused a bit a furore on the tubes when Transport for London took exception to a poster based on Cranach's Venus: a foxy lass 'dressed' in a piece of whispy gauze (I was reminded of Pete and Dud's famous conversation in the art gallery) and a string of pearls...


A TFL spokesperson said: "Millions of people travel on the London Underground each day and they have no choice but to view whatever adverts are posted there. We have to take account of the full range of travellers and endeavour not to cause offence in the advertising we display."

That's pretty astonishing when you think about it: a 500 year old woman managing to shock and offend our liberal 21st century !

London Underground advertising is currently vetted by a firm called CBS Outdoor and the hapless Venus fell foul of the guideline that advertising should not "depict men, women or children in a sexual manner, or display nude or semi-nude figures in an overtly sexual context".

Hmmmm...

So what's this chap doing, hanging around Bond Street Station?


Obviously - if the warning sign is to be believed - he's a slippery customer...

Images: Cranach exhibition pictures from Daylife; Dolce-and-Gabbana-man by Brian Sibley.

CHAMPIONSHIP POINTS

There was another bum-per crop of entries to the recent...

CAPTION COMPETITION

This, you will recall, was the picture which I invited you to caption...


...and plenty of you not only had the balls to enter the competition but presented offerings involving... er... balls!

I invited JENNIFER MILLER, a regular Sibley-Blog-reader-and-commenter to take on the role of Umpire and to judge the entries. Here are Jen's judicious adjudications...

CHAMPION of CHAMPIONS

Irascible Ian

John had his own special way of asking
the umpire for 'New Balls'.

MIXED DOUBLES

Boll Weavil

"Very effective but if it's going out on BBC1, could you just
keep your spare balls in your hand as is customary"

Polkadotsoph

A contestant puts Wimbledon's new High Visibility Balls
recommendations into practice...

CHEEKIEST CHAMPION

Lisah

"I'm particularly adept at the forehand stroke."

LINE JUDGE SELETION

Suzanne

"Sorry about this folks; someone told me that
Brian Sibley was in the audience..."

BALL-BOY'S DEUCE

David Weeks

"Ah right, it's a headband!" (Thinks) "Funny kind of headband
with a built-in nose warmer!"

The Duchess

(submitted on Her Grace's behalf by Gill)

"I am sure elastic was stronger in my Grandmamma's day!"

STRAWBERRIES & CREAM AWARD

Lisah

"Are your buns as impressive as these, Rafa?"

The Editor's (My)
ROBINSON BARLEY WATER AWARD

Good Dog

High-jinks at the Lawn Tennis Club bar prove
it's not just the Scottish players who are tight arses.

and
THE RUNNERS UP...

"Oh, OUT you said... Sorry I misheard."
(Suzanne)

"Does this fit in with the Wimbledon dress code?"
(Lisah)

When rain thtopped play at Wimbledon nobody
wath thurprithed when Cliff Richard glanthed down
at the court and then thaid he wath going for a thong.
(Irascible Ian)

"I'm here for the caption competition job.
I trust I've come appropriately attired!"
(Boll Weavil)

"Nope, you can get it out yourself and in future, if you want to receive
a serve from Nadal, I suggest you at least face the right way."
(Boll Weavil)

"Make your mind up umpire! Is the ball in or out?"
(Boll Weavil)

"Now do I win the point Mr Sibley?"
(Boll Weavil)

Roger, seeing Mr Sibley in the umpire's chair, knew
exactly how to make sure the line calls went in his favour....
(Boll Weavil)

I'm not sure that was what the umpire meant when he said
he wanted another look at that point.
(Boll Weavil)

"Hey that line call was wrong. That ball was in, as much as these are!"
(David Weeks)

There goes the ball with my shirt and braces wrapped around it.
I wonder if I'll ever see the shirt again?"
(David Weeks)

Simon had yet to fully grasp the finer points of playing 'Strip Tennis'.
(David Weeks)

Jason was terrific when playing close to the net but failed hopelessly
when required to move back in the court to reach a high ball.
(David Weeks)

"I am, look... I qualify... see? Oh, the women's final - sorry, my mistake."
(David Weeks)

"But umpire, there's nothing in the Association's rules about
how shorts are to be worn, only that they are worn..."
(David Weeks)

FINALLY...

The Editor's (Mine again!)
John McEnroe
Originality-You-Must-Be-Joking Prize

"Ball Boy!"
(Qenny)

Congratulations to the winners, commiserations to the runners up and thanks to everyone for entering and to JEN for her court rulings!

BECKS UNVEILED!

Oh... Alright then!

Here you are...



An, in case you missed the story, apparently Beck's Mum was not amused at her son posing in his skivvies and rang him up in order - if you'll pardon the pun - to tear a strip off him!


By the way, I saw this somewhere on the web the other day --- do you think it's the Beckhams' doormat...?


I mean, it can't be Signor Armani's or it would say something like:

BELLO
BIANCHERIA

UNVEILING BECKS

One of my regular reader-correspondents cheekily asked the other day when I was going to blog the latest David Beckham posters for Georgio Armani... I won't reveal the identity of this lascivious individual, but suffice it to say it was not the Duchess!

Anyway, since it is always my aim to satisfy my readers' desires, here is one of those posters being unveiled at Macy's, Union Sqaure, San Francisco...



OK? Satisfied now?