TOP O' THE MORNIN' AFTER

I realise it's unlikely (knowing the type of reader who visits this blog) but just in case you happened to have celebrated St Patrick's Day a tad too enthusiastically, here are few hangover cures...

As recommended by the Ancient Assyrians...

A mixture of ground birds' beaks and myrrh

From the prescription pad of a Medieval European doctor...

Raw eel and bitter almonds

Or there's the Mongolian pick-you-up...

Pickled sheep's eyes

One cure that comes highly recommended - at least by one Bertram Wooster - is the restorative administered by the incomparable Jeeves in P G Wodehouse's first story about him, 'Jeeves Takes Charge'...

Raw egg, Worcester sauce, and red pepper

As Jeeves explains...

"It is the Worcester sauce that gives it its colour. The raw egg makes it nutritious. The red pepper gives it its bite. Gentlemen have told me they have found it extremely invigorating after a late evening."


Or you could stick with the hair of the dog and pour yourself another Guinness with a Jameson chaser...

TOP O' THE MORNIN'

Today is Lá Fhéile Pádraig... Otherwise known as...

St Patrick's Day!

And guess what I've just discovered? It's hard to believe, but it turns out that Patrick (who lived 387-461, or thereabouts) wasn't actually Irish at all but --- WELSH!

Said to have been born 'Maewyn Succat', he was captured in his native Wales when he was about 16 by Irish raiders and taken as a slave to Ireland, where he worked as a herdsman.

The young lad came from a religious family (his grandfather was a priest) and he managed kept his faith in exile. Six years later - having been told by a Voice that he would soon go home - Patrick managed to escape his captivity, return to his family and entered the church.

Now in his twenties Patrick, apparently, received a vision as he later recounted in a letter written in Latin...

I saw a man coming, as it were from Ireland. His name was Victoricus, and he carried many letters, and he gave me one of them. I read the heading: "The Voice of the Irish".

As I began the letter, I imagined in that moment that I heard the voice of those very people who were near the wood of Foclut, which is beside the western sea—and they cried out, as with one voice: "We appeal to you, holy servant boy, to come and walk among us.

Patrick answered that call and whilst little is known about his missionary work in the Emerald Isle - other than through legends (such as driving the snakes out of Ireland and using the shamrock as a visual aid to teaching the doctrine of the Trinity) by the eighth century he had become the patron saint of Ireland.

St Patrick's Day, traditionally celebrated on 17 March is a bank holiday in Northern Ireland and a public holiday in the Republic of Ireland and Montserrat.

"Montserrat?" you ask, "The British territory in the Leeward Islands?" (You did ask that, didn't you?) Well, yes! Montserrat is known as the Emerald Isle of the Caribbean, partly because its coastline approximates that of Ireland and partly because the majority of residents are of Irish descent. Appropriately, the island's national flag incorporates the a coat of arms featuring a lady in green with a harp.


Elsewhere in the world, St Patrick's Day is an unofficial holiday celebrated by the imbibing of those two beverages beloved of the Irish: Jameson's and Guinness.

In America there's been considerable lobbying for it to be made into a national day of celebration, alongside the other official holidays as can be seen from these Guinness advertisements, featuring interviews with spokesmen for Thanksgiving Day, Independence Day and Presidents Day...

But why not? After all, as the old saying puts it: "On March 17, everyone is Irish!"

One of the quaintest (or to put another way, 'most bizarre') traditions marking St Patrick's Day is that of dyeing the Chicago River green.

According to Bill King, the administrator of Chicago's St. Patrick's Day committee, "the idea of dyeing the Chicago River green originally came about by accident when a group of plumbers were using fluorescein dye to trace illegal substances that were polluting the river".

The United States Environmental Protection Agency outlawed the use of fluorescein, since when a vegetable based dye has been used that is reputedly non-harmful to the various living organisms inhabiting the Chicago river, including a population of several thousand goldfish.

Anyway this is what it looks it...

It is, as they say, a great day for the Irish. But whether you are or not... Have a great day!

ONE OFF FILMS

Here's another of those spoof posters from

And thanks to those of you who sent me possible movie titles that are just One Letter Off from titles with which we are all too familiar.

This was not intended as a competition, although it certainly brought in a flood of entries from one regular correspondent along with more modest submissions from others.

So, no winners (apart from Lisah who wins hands down on quantity) just an opportunity to enjoy each other's wit. However I have awarded ** gold stars ** to the films the editor most wants to see!

Though you may not believe it, this is not the entire list, but it is certainly a list of best...

From Gill...

** Sheepless in Seattle **

The Good the Bed and the Ugly
Lord of the Files
Sweeping Beauty
Lady and the Trump
Pratty Woman
Gone with the Wand

From Sheila...

** How Greek was My Valley **

Animal Fart
(Or, on a similar theme, One With the Wind)

I Capture the Cattle

From Phil...

** Schindler's Lisp **

Wary Poppins
Something Wicker This Way Comes
The Illustrated Nan
Voyage to the Bottom of the Set
The Cowering Inferno
How the Vest Was Won

From Suzanne...

** When Harry Wet Sally **

Fiddler on the Hoof
A Hard Day's Fight
The Bull Monty
Forrest Bump
Mouth Pacific
About a Boy
Boy Story
Big Dish
Olives!

From Lisah....

** The Fridge over the River Kwai **

Pilates of the Caribbean
The Tree Musketeers
Saturday Night Never
The Devil Fears Prada
The Great Drain Robbery
Blazing Paddles
The Lizard of Oz
The Lazy Killers
Silly Elliot
Hen Hur

Also from Lisa (who has way too much time on her hands)...

The Ring and I, King Pong, The Toad to Rio, Top Bat, Lady and the Gramp, The Hound of Music, Seven Rides for Seven Brothers, The Man Who Would be Kin, The Hall of the Roman Empire, Silent Green, Glade Runner, Bride and Prejudice, Prom Hell, Night of the Living Head, Pry Freedom, Shawstank Redemption, The Battle of the Bunge, Casing Royale, From Prussia With Love, Dr Mo, Coldfinger, Moonfaker, Lie Another Day, Mellow Submarine, Done with the Wind, Star Bars, Potting Hill, Lie Another Day, Dove Actually, Hambi (about a piglet rather than a deer), and El Yid (with Mel Brooks instead of Charlton Heston!)

And, finally, this from Roger...

** None Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest **

Thanks everyone! Going to the movies isn't ever going to be quite the same again!


Images: Worth 1000.

MOVIE-GO-ROUND

Apropos of the fact that yesterday was Friday 13th, Irascian - ever the diligent cineast - sent me a movie poster from a film that looks vaguely familiar...


It is, in fact, one of a number of posters advertising films with titles are "one letter off" from the original. Here are a few of my favourites...








And you can view the whole glorious collection of would-be forthcoming attractions at the gloriously hilarious Worth 1000.

Can you think of any film titles that are just One Letter Off and yet might have succeeded if only someone had had the courage to make them...?

So far I've come up with...

The Lord of the Rinks

Singin' in the Ruin

The Jungle Boot

The Truman Shop

Revolutionary Read

The Pound of Music

Lard of the Flies

The Lavender Hill Mop

The Third Can

Any other suggestions?

UNLUCKY FOR SOME

Yes, that date's come round again...


Hope it turns out to be a day to remember!

Image: Steve Mack of Spot Illustration © 2009

NEWS FROM PONGOLAND

The Independent have published my obituary to Ali Bongo. And at 4:00 pm on Friday 13 March, I'll be talking about Ali on the BBC Radio 4 programme, Last Word. The programme will be repeated on Sunday 15 at 8:30 pm and can be heard via the BBC iPlayer for the following seven days.

And here's the front page cartoon by Matt from the Daily Telegraph. How Ali would have laughed......

Cartoon by MATT, © Telegraph Media Group Limited 2009

TRAVEL TIP

In other words...

MIND THE GAP!

ALI BONGO (1929-2009)

A fond and sad farewell to our good friend Ali Bongo.

The President of The Magic Circle, Ali was one of the most quirkily inventive magicians of our time.

Born William Wallace in India, Ali became known throughout the magic world as the 'magician's magician'.

The author of many books of magic, often illustrated in his own distinctive cartoony style, he also worked as an adviser on countless films, plays, operas, ballets and TV programmes, teaching non-magician actors how to convincingly perform illusions on stage or screen.

Ali would later serve as the inspiration for Alan Davies' popular television character, Jonathan Creek, and acted as the series' magical consultant.

A great comedy performer in his own right - his crazy, Arabian Nights-inspired wizard act, the Shriek of Araby was a tour de force of anarchic zaniness - he spent much of his career as a back-room-boy for two of the greatest television magicians of the twentieth century, David Nixon and Paul Daniels: advising them on their magic and devising new tricks and illusions for their shows.

Ali appeared on many of Nixon's shows: sometimes in the guise of a bewigged footman named Alistair, sometimes as himself, but always to ensure that the front-man magician got the magic right!

Here he is assisting David Nixon with an illusion of his own devising, featuring the American performer, Barbara Hanna.

Funny, generous-hearted and hugely knowledgeable, Ali was universally respected and loved by the magical community. He was presented with The Magic Circle's Carlton Award for Comedy in 1983 and was elected as the society's President last year although he had already long been an unofficial, international ambassador for magic.

His passing means that there's suddenly a little less magic in our world...

There are a number of interview clips with Ali on the BBC's web-site page for Jonathan Creek in which Ali talks about the series, magic, Harry Potter and The Magic Circle.

Video by John Helvin © 2009

STONY FACED

Writing about Mount Rushmore yesterday - albeit in a jesting fashion - led to my learning several fascinating bits of history...


For example, I was intrigued to know that Thomas Jefferson was originally to have been sculpted on George Washington's right, but when the rock was found to be unsuitable the third President of the US was dynamited off the face of the mountain and eventually re-carved on Washington's left...

Not only that but, as sculptor Gutzon Borglum's model (below) shows, the four Presidents were originally to have been carved from head to waist but - despite costing $989,992.32 - there wasn't enough money to create more than their heads.


I also happened to come across this image showing an additional fifth head...


But, as it was never added, I assume there must have been some kind of a hitch!

Sorry! I couldn't resist!

Anyway, if you're not totally bored with the subject, here's an interesting article on the Mount Rushmore achievement.

HEADS AND TAILS

As everyone knows, this is the front side of the Mount Rushmore National Memorial...


Which means that this is must be the backsides...


You can read more about the genuine history of the Mount Rushmore Memorial here and here.